A MaTt-iculous Method of MadnEzz...

2012-01-12T22:42:00.001-06:00

I just saw the biggest shooting star in my life!!! 2012 has already shown me grace in its beauty!

2012-01-12T22:26:00.001-06:00

If I had psychic powers, I'd know what it means every time a female plays with her hair... ;)

2012-01-12T22:21:00.001-06:00

My dream for 2012 is to record with a children's choir. Funny how I dream when I'm awake tho I only have nightmares when I sleep.

2012-01-05T10:59:00.001-06:00

I'd prolly tried sum of my IQ for a couple more height inches if I was given a choice. It's not always what's its cracked up 2 b

2012-01-04T16:42:00.001-06:00

Believe in nobody but yourself. Only you know whether or not you are lying or telling the truth.
#TFLP

2012-01-02T11:10:00.001-06:00

I began 2012 doing exactly what I planned. Everyday will b an experience in itself. Nothing will stand in my way from here on. 2012isMine

2011-12-15T00:51:00.001-06:00

Out all nite, it's always been life... How the hell did I lose my mind trying 2 do things right? Apollo I'm back... That's life when u rap

2011-12-10T10:03:00.001-06:00

"Cuz the streets is a short stop. Either ya slanging' crack rock or ya gotta wicked jump shot..."

2011-12-06T09:25:00.001-06:00

If I could I'd find someway to make her understand, love maybe my motivation but these girls got other plans...
#TFLP

2011-12-05T13:16:00.001-06:00

They ignore words of wisdom because they don't want to admit they still have alot to learn. Maybe that's y they know nothing.
#TFLP

2011-12-04T12:31:00.001-06:00

They'll never understand nor appreciate what can't be taught, it's something you're born with and can't b duplicated...
-TFLP

2011-12-02T23:32:00.001-06:00

More people hate me than love me... Maybe I should say thank u! ;)

2011-12-02T23:27:00.001-06:00

Shit is Ridiculous!

2011-12-02T11:45:00.001-06:00

Don't expect the world to throw you a perfect pitch every time, just make sure you know when you're supposed to swing...
#TFLP

2011-12-01T12:54:00.001-06:00

I've fallen down more times than I can count. That only means I know what getting back up is all about

TFLP

2011-11-30T11:36:00.001-06:00

Knowledge is power, but like talent it is only as good as the person whom possesses it. It's all a matter of what you do with it

-TFLP

2011-11-29T10:08:00.001-06:00

No matter how long it takes to find what you're looking for, it only matters what you choose do with it once you find it
-TFLP

2011-11-28T10:46:00.001-06:00

If I can find a way to make u smile every day then you've given me hope, that everything's going to b okay...

-TFLP

2011-11-10T20:16:00.001-06:00

Att spoiled ass college brats! Ur inability 2 do service industry math is why u fucking suck! Fuck ur idiocy and ignorance... :), punk asses

2011-10-22T23:44:00.001-05:00

If u ain't dancin get the hell off my dance floor... Learn rhythm then walk ya way thru them groovin bodies... NoROom4Lames

2011-10-22T15:54:00.001-05:00

"We are the music makers... And we are the dreamers of dreams..." ;)

The Turning Point

2011-10-05T20:31:00.002-05:00

Every artist comes to this point. There maybe more to come at the start of their journey to success but, it all begins with an initial crossroads. Which path shall one take to the light at the end of the tunnel? If there is an end... We make music initially to release the pains and angers through emotional struggles we’ve endured. Music/Art is merely our weapons to defeat opposing forces that fight happiness and overall self-realization. Our highs are higher than you can imagine and our lows are equally as intense. If you have not one artistic bone in your body, I wouldn’t expect you to understand. No worries, I’m no engineer... I don’t get how their technical brains function either... ;)

But in order to adjust to the force of the world that work at different speeds for different functions we have to adjust. We fight for so long, we end up having to put our swords down to come to a peace. Lets be honest, fighting forever gets old. If the overall goal is peace then wtf were we fighting for to begin with? We each can be true to our side, and if need be defend, but there’s room for everyone... Right? Truth is I believe in a general philosophy surrounding certain concepts. Simple but yet complex concepts. Truth. Freedom. Love. Peace. Not sure if that’s a typo as those individual words deserve full sentence recognition but, I’m no school teacher.

I fight for what I believe in... But that doesn’t make you wrong, it just means we’ll spend most of our hours on different sides of town at different times. I’ll join ya for a quick one every now and again, but why should we resort to hate, simply because we disagree. Fans and Industry heads have a constant battle they are fighting for. One wants the genuine, pure, and soulful side of creativity, the other wants the tangible aspects. Once the motivation becomes more about money and control than about the overall message and feeling, things become difficult to break down. We all need to eat. Nothing is free, and buying in doesn’t mean selling out.

If starting your own business is the american dream, then why aim to achieve it through any means possible. There’s an industry to everything and entertainment is mine. I have to have many guards up to do what I do, and its ANYTHING but EASY. I say this, because to the untrained eye, and unfamiliar presence, it may look easy. There’s a difference between using music for hobby purposes, and living through it as a career.... Don’t get it confused. The minute you do, you’re in for a world of trouble. I know how to play the game, I’ve been here before. Now comes the part we all look forward to seeing. A way to live through your dreams. I’m already half way there, the last half is for us all to watch together.

TFLP

;)

2011-10-04T21:35:00.001-05:00

They don't seem to care while you're there, why do they want to miss you after you're gone? IGTT

The End of The World...

2011-09-26T22:08:00.002-05:00

(Part One of ???)

This Entry will be a multi-faceted entry breaking down various concepts and multiple avenues of research to inform those deserving information they don’t have regarding a serious issue we should all be consciously aware of. The various parts will cover different aspects of one of the most intriguing and fascinating predictions of our astronomical cycle.

There’s something you should know about me. I am a truther. You may say oh great, another conspiracy nut... Fine, understood, I can handle that. Truth is I’m not a conspiracy nut. I don’t go around preaching the details of what I’ve studied of the JFK assassination, 9/11, or the moon landing. I could, but I don’t. If I feel the need to correct someone’s ignorant bantering on any of these issues I do so with as much articulation and poise as possible. If alcohol is involved however I will get passionate especially when an uneducated idiot rattles my nerves. I’m working on curtailing that habit but sometimes you just gotta unload some steam, lol. I do however read about conspiracies. The entire issue in itself fascinates me, tho I don’t believe all of them, I consider every detail plausible.

When I say I’m a truther I mean I live a daily life in search of four things... In attempts to gain as much knowledge as possible to share those four concepts with those I love as well as the world as a whole. Those four things are Truth, Freedom, Love, and Peace. Hence if you see me post a link or opinion on a social network/forum, I’ll usually end my signature with TFLP. I do that so other’s understand my overall goal in debating online, or in person. I am much more savage a debater i person, trust me. You don’t wanna go toe to toe with me in debate unless you got enough true factual evidence to smash any theory of mine. From time to time I get in over my head, but that always makes me a stronger debater.

The most recent topic of discussion among conspiracy theorists have been based around two or three consistent theories. One is the arrival of a astronomical phenomenon known respectively as ELENIN. Some believe to be a comet similar to Haley’s comet in its timeline of arrival into our solar system, other’s believe it to be a dwarf/brown star. If you know about Niburu/Planet X you know there’s widespread theories of its relation of this, but if you don’t I’m not even getting near that one. ELENIN has been perceived as having direct correlation to the massive earthquakes, other disasters, and strange weather anomalies in 2011. Along with ELENIN theories comes the influence of such catastrophes via HAARP. Both these combined forces along with our planetary changes in Pole shifting add on to the idea the world as we know it is changing or even ending.

The entire nine months of utter catastrophe worldwide should be at least acknowledged as abnormal and puzzling as we all know there is supposed to be changes occurring leading to the end of 2012. When I say supposed to, I am referring to the end of the Mayan Calender on 12/21/2012. Yes we’ve all heard bar discussions of it. We’ve seen online social network debates, forum discussions, YouTube videos and even mainstream media and hollywood join the party. Different groups and specialists have different opinions and though some seem outlandish, other’s tend to bring up interesting facts and instances pointing to a truth that SOMETHING BIG is supposed to occur not only during this date, but leading up to it as well.

If you do a basic recent history recap you’ll see the timeline of rapid change since 9/11/01 on a worldwide level politically, economically, spiritually, even naturally.

So what’s happening? Is it merely coincidence? Is it a conspiracy set up by the global elite to merely propagandize beliefs that we need to shift into a new world order to save the planet? Are we safe? You can ask a million questions. But whats the point if you don’t actually SEARCH for answers. When I say search, I don’t mean obsess in a locked room with hundreds of articles, books, and websites to analyze and connect the dots (tho thats always entertaining to think about lol). I’m simply saying, utilize simply an hour of your day, every day, doing self-motivated research. Start with alternative news web-links and library archives as well as choose well informed and written books to read in order to sharpen your knowledge of history and its relationship to current events. The more you know, the more you are prepared for the worst, hoping for the best. Simple as that.

Nobody ever said the WORLD IS GOING TO END IN 2012. When discussing this subject, nothing is more humiliating for an individual who says such things than making that statement. You are proving your foolishness and ignorance when even attempting to state such claims. If you refuse to do more than watch History Channel documentaries and YouTube videos, you are damaging your own ability to separate truth from fiction, leaving you blind to what is really the important issue to address. No need to pass judgement, but you are ACTIVELY allowing yourself to become not only open to criticism but a target of idiot-bashing as I call it.

I don’t need to breakdown my knowledge of this discussion to anyone. If you haven’t read a quarter of the books I have on the subject or even seen a fraction of the dozens if not hundreds of documentaries I have, you have no room to even touch the topic. Because if we were to debate and you lacked the concepts broken down in this research, you’re already bringing a knife to a gun-fight, so save yourself the embarrassment and self-esteem damage. Just know I write these entires and make my various online posts for one reason, to spread knowledge and awareness. So next time someone talks to you about the end of the world, tell ‘em to put up or shut up, as in this critical time, we have no time to waste, as it maybe here already, we just haven’t realized it...

;)

2011-09-24T18:58:00.001-05:00

You make money, you spend money. How much you have means nothing... In the end all you have is alll you need... ;)

Vantage Point

2011-09-14T13:02:00.003-05:00

I read alot... I mean ALOT! My personal book library is well over 100 books deep of various subjects that entertain my interest. Such intrigues of mine include philosophy, metaphysics, physics, astronomy, political science, psychology, sociology, world history, and theology. As I strive to become a better artist, my studies also teach me to harness my potential to become a better person, spiritually and socially. Increasing personal and professional relationships is the key to getting ahead in this world and eventually finding what makes you happy.

We get stuck in ruts from time to time. There’s usually a greater reason for such instances of little or no progression occur but we’re usually too agitated and frustrated to be aware. Its these frustrations and fears that tend to lead us down the wrong path during such times. We let our sadness and depression get the best of us and make rash decisions that do nothing to resolve the problem at hand. Its times like this that can lead to drinking, drug abuse, crime, violence, all out chaos. We lose our control over our emotions as well as rational thought. Add in the media influence over us with negative world news everyday and the horrible mainstream music and we now have a form of mind control that is in practice to influence behavior. Believe it or not, this is no opinion it is a fact. Many just refuse to do the proper study and research of psychological warfare that created the use of the television in order to control the masses.

If you study all the above topics I’ve mentioned you’ll realize there is a pattern taking place here. The Egypians used it against their slaves. The Greeks and Romans also used it to establish social order and hierarchy. The Italians, Spanish, English, Chinese, and Koreans have all used the same pattern of control. And now we have the modern day empire most of us now live in known as the American Imperialistic Empire as I call it. We tend to actually believe America is the greatest country on earth. I don’t see how considering we are economically one of the weakest countries currently. Our education system is less than average and that’s being polite. And don’t even get me started on cultural awareness and spiritual understanding. America’s influence may be great but that is because we have encapsulated ourselves within our own borders to be the only country that has no direct daily exchange between citizens of other countries. Our 50 states only border two other countries in Mexico and Canada. Those borders are so finely demonstrated you know the second you’re even approaching them. Think about countries in the U.K, middle east, and Asia. These are multiple countries that border three sometimes four other countries. We really are a very naive culture.

Its easy to see how we’ve become so culturally/historically ignorant however when you observe day to day television programming and the rudimentary education children here receive. Ask the average American a series of simple basic fundamentals that make up our history and simply observe the ridiculous answers you’ll receive. Questions regarding basic knowledge such as Presidents, War dates, historical holiday meaning, constitutional amendments, etc. Personally I find it tragic and disgusting but I’m still not one to judge. I can only speak for myself. I can’t say that however about everyone. Because another ongoing viral infection in this country is people’s obsession with one another’s daily lives. If we concentrated on important daily events of our own lives instead of gossiping and slandering the lives of other’s who knows how productive this country would really be.

Now none of this is bashing my beloved country. Though I don’t share the Neanderthal like patriotism many of my fellow Americans do, I do have a love for the idea for why this country was created. It is simply my point of observation from somebody who tends to see things from different angles than most. These angles I see the world from give me a vantage point unlike any other. And its through my literal, educational, professional, musical, and personal experiences I build my vantage point. Look at me as an observer sitting on a building top ledge as “The Crow,” “Spider-Man,” or “Batman.” So as I look down at the world below me, I am so befit to ignore or acknowledge the evil-doing I observe... Imagine if superheroes decided to ignore the wrongs they see every day in order to just take advantage of their riches and spoils... Kanye West or Jay-Z ring a bell??? There’s heroes, villains, and bystanders... We each decide for ourselves in the end who we are...

;)

The Power is in You...

2011-09-07T22:20:00.003-05:00

I can’t go on enough about the power of connection. It is the most important condition of human behavior. We take it for granted all the time, hell most of the time. But considering how often we take it for granted, that also highlights when we take advantage. We are a couple years into the digital age now and more than ever do we rely on consistent connection and communication. Due to our continuous need to connect we are immersed in social networking beyond our wildest dreams... Or at least we think we are. With Myspace, Blogger, Facebook, Twitter, G+, Spotify, and ICloud comes the responsibility to stay connected and share information which may benefit one another. We now have instant sharing of music, entertainment, ideas, news, conspiracies, rumors, at the tip of our fingertips. Now through smart devices we don’t even need to be at home on a computer to do so. What a wonderful thing technology is, isn’t it?

I am a tech fanatic. Not necessarily a guru, but a fan of what it can do for us when used properly. I see the future in a sense. That doesn’t mean I’m a psychic though my actions and ideas have proven somewhat argumentative but I can see the pattern of behavior as its happening in order to perceive what happens next. I saw the potential facebook had as did I Myspace which is why I took advantage at the crucial time I did in order to build attention to myself as a music recording artists. I see the potential in Spotify and music sharing social networks because its just one more addition to the capabilities we are privileged to now have. Therefore I know exactly how to strategically manage my career based on my goals and required work.

The goals I am currently working to achieve are so much more than a dream. What I intend to do with my music as well as informative blogging, journalism, and round the clock news feeds is more than just an idea. It is the future of multi-media organization and entertainment as tomorrow demands. As I build my fan-base and network I will also build a movement of fellow creative and informative minds who can help me in achieving my overall goal... To change the world... To rid one another of this idea that someone else is responsible for your destiny. I plan on showing the world that if you think it, and believe in it, then you can achieve it. And not just some inspirational motto to live by... I mean literally prove to one another, together that it can be done, because we help one another make it possible.

I’ve dealt with doubters and speculators my entire life. And everyone of them I have leaped mountains and bounds to prove not only are they dead wrong, but foolish for even thinking they were right. I’ve left them in my trail to only imagine what I’ve done with my twenty eight years on this planet as well as the inability to imagine what I’m gonna do next. See you can’t let others shape your future... When they try, you have to look them in the eye and with a meaningful expression say, fuck you... Not only are you wrong, but you’re an idiot, and because of your lack of faith in anything... You’ll never achieve half of what I will. Sounds cocky and arrogant I know. But is it any worse than someone who couldn’t imagine what you want in life trying to shit on your dreams and wishes? I say its a well deserved faith in yourself and defiance of pessimism.

Its not easy at all I’ll have you know. If you have grandiose desires of doing something incredible with your life, you’re going to have to work hard to do so... Very hard. And when times get rough, and they will, you have to be willing to stick it out because there’s no option for you, except success.

There’s a quote from my favorite scene in Rocky Balboa (yes the 6th rocky, i love them all). Rocky explains to his bratty and confused son what it takes to succeed when odds are against you. I’ll paraphrase the entire quote for you. “Let tell you something you already know... The world aint all sunshine and rainbows. Its a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you down to you’re knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it aint about how hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward. Thats how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth but you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying you aint where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Thats what cowards do and that aint you! You’re better than that... You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself you aint gonna have a life...”

;)

The Push Forward...

2011-09-06T09:52:00.002-05:00

Have you ever seen the movie Shawshank Redemption? Its easily in my top 5 favorite movies of all time, coupled with Braveheart and films like Gladiator and Glory, I have a thing for inspirational stories of triumph and perseverance as an underdog. I’m an underdog, always have been. If you read through my blog posts you’ll find one several months back in which I explained my story to persevere against incredible odds. From childhood through adolescence and now through adulthood, I’ve had to fight for what I wanted.

We all should learn what its like to fight for what we want. There are so many privileged people out there who have everything handed to them. There are others who simply take things for granted in life. I have been lucky enough to experience all of the above. But I was also lucky enough to realize it and learn from each experience equally. Here I am, at twenty eight years old, several years past the expected time-frame a prodigy has to prove their worth to the world; and I’m still fighting for what I want. Only now I know what I want. For the past four and a half years I’ve known what I want. It takes knowing what you want before figuring out how you want it, then actually doing it. Life isn’t easy; you know that; I know that, hell we all do. But its worth fighting for if you know what you want. I want to change the world and have my impact felt on a global scale; not just in music but in life.

If I can touch the world’s hearts in my music then maybe they’ll listen to me long enough to curtail their jaded, misconstrued view of reality and open their eyes. Open their eyes to the truth that if we really did want it, we could achieve a world filled with truth, freedom, love, and peace. Life is so much more beautiful when you not only learn to achieve a life dedicated to those concepts. Instead, we choose to embrace ignorance, apathy, hatred, greed, and war. Hell we embrace so much negative human behavior my positive four aren’t even half of what I see everyday. Sure there are times I experience the goodness in life, but I have to create them. I can’t just retrieve them from the experience of others, because most the time others are so blind they don’t even see their own mistakes.

I make mistakes. I makes mistakes every day. I wouldn’t do all I can to fix the mistakes of mankind if I didn’t start with myself. Only difference is I’m consciously aware of the mistakes I make and know I’m going to have to feel the repercussions of those actions when the time comes. Thats how we grow and mature as people. Embrace the humanity thats within us and have the courage to admit when we are wrong. I haven’t written an entry in several days as you can tell if you are a regular reader. Thats because I’ve spent the last 10 days making mistakes and learning the steps needed to alter the outcome from those mistakes.

I spent the last year of my life fine-tuning my musical sound in hopes to eventually become a good artist and be on my way to becoming a great artist. It has been extremely hard along the way. But I feel comfortable now at the level I am at to know everything is going to work out for myself. I still remain hungry to achieve the success and gain the respect I deserve, but that will always remain, and hopefully never die. Once it dies, I’ll know its time to move on.

You would come to believe its only the beginning for new artists you’ve only recently become aware of. Its not true. Its so far from the beginning, only they can truly know every ounce of pain and passion it took for you to eventually know who they are. And I said, this isn’t about fame and fortune. Its about helping the world come to grips the realities of every day with a sense of humility and compassion required to help us all get through struggles together. Friends ask me everyday how I manage pushing past the hardships of the process of becoming a successful music recording artist. I usually smile and tell them, hey man, this is all just a ride, and I’m on board till they kick me off...

;)

Flowetry

2011-08-22T01:33:00.000-05:00

A little less than five years ago I began a journey. I fell flat on my face without any idea how to recover, and get back on my feet again. I was faced with almost no options, or as it so seem at the time. I didn’t want to return to college and had no desire to continue long-term work in the family business. So I took a chance... I played a wild card. Music had been really etching its way into becoming a professional part for quite some time so I gave it a chance. It starts how most stories do. First there’s writing the songs, booking demo recording sessions. thinking of ideas on how to gain exposure, and of course local gigs whenever they pop up. Unfortunately there’s no school to attend, tests to take or job applications to make a living as an artist. I don’t really know why, for the life of me. We need music recording artists just as we need bankers and business executives. It is a business remember?

Before you know it, since a normal part time job is required, years pass by. Two years, three years, sometimes ten years. There’s a well known rule in music that it takes roughly 10,000 hours to succeed in gaining enough exposure, a living can be made. Some success stories find short cuts, but for the most part, the road is long and hard. There’s a process of hard knocks one has to go through in order to gain their stripes, and become one of the best at what they do in order to gain respect. If you’re a new artist, trust me.... You’re gonna hate the hell outta your life many times again. And you’re going to want to quit almost every day.

Those who have been fortunate enough to make it to the promise land know what I’m talking about. So here I am, five years into this game, and I’ve played on several different fields with so many players I’ve forgotten names of 80% of my counterparts. There better you become however, the better players you find to play the game. I’m now one of the best at what I do. I now can stand in a room full of the best and stand toe to toe, proud and resilient. That, took the longest time in the process to achieve. And was the one motivation that prevented me from quitting completely, only a year ago. Because I’ve polished my sound, professionalism, and overall artistic merit I now deserve the credit I was never do. WIth that came better music. With all this came a determination and a fire, almost impossible to burn out.

The Flowetry EP is a collection of stories, moral and spiritual messages, theories, teachings, and emotional expression transcended from within me into music and onto you. With the words spoken in my music I hope you not only further understand what it takes to not only chase your dreams, but watch them unfold right before your eyes... And see by focusing on a single goal, letting nothing else stand in your way, you can achieve anything. I may not be like you. But I understand you only have one chance at this life so don’t just watch as the time is passin’ by. No matter what that’s just how it goes, and if you don’t understand that you have no clue. So whether its yesterday, today, tomorrow or the year 3021, all that matters is now. So don’t believe those tales of fiction my friend. Because if you embrace my ability to let my poetry flow, then I may be lucky enough to share with you the next chapter and the truth of humanity....

;)

2011-08-17T21:26:00.001-05:00

Music isn't what I do, it's who I am, next time you ask about me? I really hope u understand...

Just Like Me Not Like You...

2011-08-16T02:22:00.003-05:00

I probably shouldn’t be writing this post. So before you begin to read I warn you, this post is painfully motivated. The language will be strong and the feelings will be truthful. So do not blame me for merely posting my thoughts on my own blog, since I warned you ahead of time of what you’re about to read. Not every post within this blog will be about positivity and inspiration, because every story has two sides and every coin has a heads and a tails.

One of the principles of hermetic teachings is understanding duality. The paradox of what encompasses all we know. Every light has to have a dark and for everything you see that is good, there is an equivalent to that which is bad. The introduction to my current album, The Flowetry EP is entitled “Not like You.” A fitting starting point to this debut release as I briefly discuss how I am not like most people you’ll meet on a day to day basis. In no way am I saying I believe there’s something wrong with you, because there’s something wrong with all of us. I’m just making it clear that we are not alike... However the understanding of duality is what makes us alike as well.

I learned alot over the course of the past few days. I learned how much others have realized that I’ve changed and matured over the course of the past two years. I know that myself. Though it was going through that process of change I realized how it was necessary as the path I was headed prior wasn’t a positive one. I won’t lie, I’ve lived a dark life for a very long time. There’s been lighter sides to it, but overall I can’t say I am proud of my past, I can just say I’ve learned what I can. But it was my inner-weakness and despair that led to those dark moments. Its that same weakness that led me to become stronger today, yet its still is the reason for my dark and deviant nature that I battle so often it wears me down.

I am a sensitive person... If you know me, you know that... If you’ve read any of my blogs within the past year, you’ll know in more detail how important that is to understanding me as a person. There’s a reason why I am different than most. I’ve been told by hundreds that I’m not like anyone else they meet because of my real personality and nature to not put up facades in order to please others. This is very true, but it doesn’t necessarily make things easier for me to deal with. Fact, more often than not it complicates things everyday for myself, because I don’t know how to handle those who consistently choose to act fake regularly. Some appreciate my “realness.” Others are threatened by it. It is what separates me from others, however its what leaves me isolated and alone.

I can tell you this. Unlike many of those I come across regularly I’m not ashamed to admit my faults, my weaknesses, or my failures. It is a defining aspect of my nature. Though not always a good attribute it has led me in the wrong direction time and time again. I have problems and issues just like you. My insecurities eat me alive everyday. People tell me I’m special, however the world’s personal reaction to me pains me often. I get told not to take things personal so much? How the fuck is that not a possible means of reaction to personal experiences? I’m supposed to be a great mind, an innovator, a genius, and a remarkable artist. However I’m not worthy of the personal attention I desire on a regular basis. You smile in my face and compliment me on my talents yet you don’t feel I’m important enough to you to communicate with regularly. You read my facebook posts and hear my music but yet can’t return a simple text or a phone call. You ignore me yet tell others how proud you are of me. I am not like you because I don’t mind being embarrassed, yet I am still the target of embarrassment often. I’m just like you because I have such a hard time loving myself, it makes it difficult for others to love me. I’m still human just like you, therefore I have feelings, and your refusal to acknowledge them and share your feelings makes me feel inhumane.

Really... Who the fuck do you think you are? I do what I do for you because I can’t seem to find many who care to do the same for me. Maybe I’m just too sensitive. But that’s who I am. Maybe I’m confused... Therefore I’m just like you. Maybe I should just not care about people or the world, leaving me empty inside... Just like you. Am I talking to you or talking to myself? If you saw the world as I saw it you’d see that no matter how different we are, we are still one in the same, because we’re so fucking scared of what’s really out there, we hide behind everything. We put up walls, masks, diversions, phony expressions, and occupations so others don’t see what’s deep down.

Some people will admire my sense of realism in my nature, because they see it as a strength. Others will see the fact that I’m vulnerable and the fact I admit I cry often as a sign of weakness. You’ll all judge me because you think it makes you better than me. And the fact I can admit all this causes you to believe I’m better than you. Do you see where I’m going with all this? Can you relate? Or will you just read with prejudice believing I have too much ego to deal with? Don’t you understand what artistry is? Its individual expression based on one’s reflective observation of the world which includes you. I say the things most are too fucking afraid to say, because I don’t mind the criticism. Yet you have the nerve to criticize me for doing so. You sit there and insult strangers everyday behind their backs. You judge the personalities on T.V and you’ve never fucking met them, and probably never will... So when I say who the fuck do you think you are? I mean it... To prevent this entry from being too long to read I’ll cut it short here, but I’ll remind you, I’m nowhere near done with this entire issue. So while you may ask yourself who the fuck does this guy think he is talking to me in this way, I’ll remind you that I’m just like you... And you’re not the only one I’m talking to... Remember that next time you make a judgement on someone like myself with the convenience of not having to see my response to it, because you’re behind a computer screen.... Just like me...

;)

One in the Same...

2011-08-14T15:32:00.000-05:00

I’m in Amarillo, Texas. I flew in Friday afternoon and planned on being here throughout the weekend. I have family here and have been visiting since I was a child. Anytime school was out, my mother and I would drive three and half hours from Midland to see my grandparents. Before moving to Austin, I lived here briefly when I was 19. If you’ve read my story then you should already know that. I needed to leave Midland, and my grandmother offered a haven for myself until I figured out my next step. So far its been nice. Last time I was here I believe was Thanksgiving two years ago, and possibly a year prior. I love to travel. Though Amarillo isn’t much for tourism I personally just like feeling the energy of different places. They can be small or large metropolitan cities filled with action, either way I gain a pleasing sense of wanderlust anytime I’m in a place I don’t reside.

Small towns don’t change very much over time. Grown stays consistent and unless there’s some economic boom occurring, there’s not a whole lot to see. But as I said, its the energy of the town fueled by its citizens that drive my need to be mobile whenever possible. I have a connection with this place though. Because I grew up spending family gatherings here, certain places have an aesthetic appeal from childhood memories that still play in my mind when driving through this small yet intriguing city. I’m a people watcher. I can feel the various vibes of the people in this city and try to connect those vibes with what I can remember while I lived here.

I have a harsh approach to small towns, I won’t lie. But that doesn’t mean I have anything at against small communities. I understand the need to stay distant from the fast paced energy of urban environments. Large cities can be slightly scary and extremely intimidating if you aren’t prepared for experiencing almost anything. What is interesting however, is seeing the energy within strangers I come into interaction with while traveling. I see a spark in some people’s eyes and notice their interest in an eccentric and outspoken individual like myself, as I bring something to every atmosphere the norm aren’t used to. My grandmother is an amazing person. We have a bond that nobody else understand and she knows how to keep me grounded when I’m flying far to high above the rest of the world.

I try to explain how I have a dream to open people up everywhere I go, every place, big or small. The one definite appeal I see in a small town setting is the connection people tend to have for one another. Larger metroplexes with a dozen suburbs surrounding a vast downtown setting seem to be more disconnected from one another. As I’ve already stated in previous entries, I believe human connection is the key to fixing the problems that seem to be piling up increasingly at such a rapid rate. The effects of such problems are felt everywhere. From my respected home in Austin, Tx to my hometown of midland and my second home here in Amarillo. Though all three cities are in Texas, all three are completely different worlds. The people, behavior, attitude, energy, flow, is all extremely different. But I can relate to all of it. I hear Austinites complain about Dallas and Houston, and hear the prideful need for distinction in San Antonio. But I love all these places the same. I can relate to all of the attitudes and identify with citizens of each respectively.

Why separate ourselves from one another simply because we reside a a couple hundred miles away? That seems so silly in my opinion. Had Texas followed suit with more evolved metropolitan centers and built a better mass transportation system such as Trains for passengers that connect from one city to another, maybe we would be more connected and aware of what life is like all over this humungous state. If you’re not from Texas you may not understand, how life can be so different from the west to the east and south. But I do. Its because of this I feel almost privileged to consider myself Texas bred and raised. Though I’m not big on pride in itself I understand... I understand you and you’re need to establish a presence for who you are and what you do. Though me and you maybe different, trust me, somewhere deep down, we are all connected and still bleed the same...

;)

2011-08-11T20:29:00.001-05:00

The universe has no reason 2 listen 2 u... Instead try listening 2 the universe more often

Changing the World (Part 3 of 3)

2011-08-10T14:59:00.000-05:00

It took me a while to finish this entry. Hell it took me a while to get back on track with blogging this last month period. I have a desire, a burning desire that won’t go away. A desire to reach the world and show them reality for what it really is, and not the televised construction of illusions that have people manipulated and entranced every day. That is because when I spend my days trying to interact with people personally or professionally I have hard time connecting, because they are obviously in a trance. An almost un-meditative state of ignorance based on predicted programming. I don’t like it. I despise it, as a matter of fact. I try so hard to ignore it but when it surrounds you, its like you’re trapped in a nightmare and can’t escape. There’s a reason genius minds lose their sanity often in history, because they’re surrounded by idiots. Not saying that’s you by any means, I’m just calling it how I see it.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Its not their fault they were condition from childhood through adulthood to believe this materialistic economically dysfunctional world they live in is what life is supposed to be like. Its not their fault they actually have it confused and fantasy IS REALITY, and what you are believed to be reality is actually fantasy. The matrix is more than a movie, it is basically a documentary in my opinion. Call me crazy, but if you call me crazy with no justification or evidence, then sorry but you’re the one who’s out of your fucking mind. Don’t mean to be so up front and blunt, but it does continuously drive me insane. It was the National Education Agency created by John D. Rockefeller that shaped the minds of America to be dumbed down, un-intellectual, and programmed. That was his goal, he wanted a society of workers, not thinkers. Those were his exact words, look it up.

We are now at the breaking point. Things in the world have gotten so out of control it almost feels as if the world is ending... Which it is.... But not physically. Its just a shift in paradigm; in thinking; in consciousness for all of us. Its a natural occurrence, not some ancient egyptian or mayan myth, that’s just apart of history explaining to you the reason. But, we now have the opportunity to break free from those mental chains we’ve been restrained by our entire lives. We have information at our fingertips and the ability to share it instantaneously. Utilizing communication is the key to tomorrow. Its the blueprint for today, and the solution to yesterday’s mistakes. Instead of fighting, we should be sharing ideas and understanding one another. I understand people are apathetic, ignorant, and lazy, that’s why people like myself exist; to be the driving force behind such concepts. If I can plant the idea in your head through writing and music, all you have to do is become consciously aware and active in making a difference. Link up with a friend, and another friend, then spread the message to strangers, thus making new friends and building NETWORKS.

You use Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, G+, Blogger, etc. everyday. You obviously want to be connected to your fellow man. But by doing so you’ve disconnected your ability to understand them aesthetically from a spiritual point of view. Because in order to do that you have to embrace physical human interaction. That means seeing, feeling, touching, and realizing the mental, psychological, and emotional state of another human being. Only then can you have compassion and empathy for one another. Its only then you can realize empathy is what THEY have taken from us. Its obvious. I see it everyday. I don’t need a P.H.D to see what is going on here and to know what has happened over the course of spiritual de-construction. I’ve written about the need for human connection before. Its the reason we have friends, participate in social activities, create communities, spend time out during weekends, date, love, etc. Its a natural human need and whether we like it or not, it is the backbone to our existence as a species.

Why search for such needs if you’re only going to revert back to jealousy, hatred, and insensitivity? If you’re going to spend your life hating others for what you didn’t have or blame the world for what wasn’t given to you then what is your reason for living? Figure that out first then move on to step 2, changing it. Change your behavior, attitude, and overall understanding. Then share it with someone you believe is in need of behavioral adjustment. Spread ideas like a virus and watch as we infect the planet together. That’s something to be proud of. That’s something to brag about and show off to one another. I’ve been responsible for opening up the minds of dozens if not hundreds of people in my life. I’ve watched them change from being unaware of the world around them to realizing the meaning of cause and effect everyday. I will spend my life doing this if it kills me... And it probably will. But that is the price to pay for glory and greatness... Because I promise you there is nothing more glorious than knowing you were responsible for opening someone’s eyes and giving them the gifts of truth, love, freedom, and peace...

;)

2011-08-10T14:38:00.001-05:00

Those who spend all their time worrying about other people and their opinions NEED 2 spend more time worrying about themselves

2011-08-06T00:32:00.001-05:00

You're all so scared to say I love you... God actually showed me what u spend everyday praying for. Good luck... ;)

Cycles

2011-08-05T14:18:00.001-05:00

I read alot. I mean ALOT... Aside from making music, working out, and blazin’ its one of my outlets and stress relievers. Although I would like to enjoy reading fiction novels, I stay busy reading non-fiction. I mean my personal library is over 100 books deep and my book wishlist is reaching 200 and grows every day. Studying human history infatuates me. Its because I was taught almost absolutely nothing in school I am now obsessed with learning. I’m sorry but I’m on the verse of being a worldwide celebrity, its time for me to go on record from now on about the perils of American education. Public education absolutely disgusts me and most of my teachers with the exception of a couple here and there didn’t do anything to prove me wrong. Ignorance is a sickness in American culture and I will do my job to cure it the more attention I garner through music.

People try to say they don’t believe in Astrology. Seriously? If you’ve never read any information on the subject itself how can you attempt to have an opinion. Ever heard of debate? Yeah you’d get schooled royally if you approached a debate with that mind-frame, especially against someone like myself. The position of the planets at the time of your birth is not only relevant to your development and character, but also to the reason you exist in the first place. I’m a huge fan of astronomy. I love reading about the planets, moon, stars, etc. It absolutely infatuates me, because it explains what all this really is and can actually help answer that age-old question of why? Why does all this exist and what is its purpose. This is the reason I keep up with lunar cycles. Observing human behavior is easier when you understand certain reasons for why such actions are occurring. When you know what to expect you can prevent the unexpected from getting the best of you.

I’ve started a new music release campaign as I edge closer and closer to worldwide recognition. Its apart of my website diaries campaign and its basically me releasing music around the lunar cycle. Every full and new moon I intend on releasing a new song from here until the end of the year. Possibly into next year if the opportunity allows me. Full moons and new moons both occur once a month every month in case you really are unfamiliar with the world you live in. Therefore you can expect a new song twice a month for quite a while. Some songs will be previous records that needed to see the light of day, and some will be spur of the moment recordings. Its not only one of my many marketing concepts but also a tool to keep people aware of the world around them. If you know to whether or not its a full or new moon based on your expectations of new music from yours truly maybe you’ll learn a thing or two about reality.

There’s a reason for everything. Every cause has an effect and that’s nature. Simple and plain, I don’t understand why people complicate these things. If I am to have an impact on the world on a grand scale than I’ll have to keep reminding people that I exist for a reason, and just like the grand influence of mine Tupac Shakur, I will never let them forget that. The world can be a more beautiful place, but its up to us to make it happen. Its up to use to make every day an event and stop embracing apathy as a more convenient way not to deal with problems. You can make a difference it you really want to, the question is whether or not you actually want to. Everything happens in cycles and I am just an active part of mine. Guess this time around was just my turn.

;)

2011-08-05T13:28:00.001-05:00

Lmao at dudes who try 2 make fun of guys that wear clothes that fit... How old r u again? Gfto homie, it's called "style"

The People Problem

2011-08-03T08:01:00.002-05:00

Been 7 days again between posts... Sorry, I would explain, but you already know the reason. I’m going to wait on Part 3 of the changing the world entry as I wanted to use the perfect examples and summation for the conclusion to that series. Don’t worry you won’t have to wait too long, lol. This particular entry I definitely wanted to shed light upon. I spend alot of time out and about just observing the world. Sometimes I’ll walk around for hours downtown with my headphones on just to get a feel for the vibe of the environment when looking for inspiration for a new record. I spend so much time consuming beats I forget to actually write records for them, and have to backtrack at time.

As I spend time during the course of a day doing day to day usuals I try to connect with people on both a personal and professional level. It could be something as simple as striking conversation with the cute girl taking my food order at a restaurant by commenting on her earrings or shoes. I know there’s a million and a half ways to hit on women and that’s not what I try to do. Although I enjoy conversing with pretty girls everywhere I go, I’m not your usual sleazy asshole just trying to get laid, contrary to popular opinion. I really am trying to establish a connection with you if I choose to interact. At the same time yes, I'm hoping to make a new fan of my music but that's not merely all I'm trying to do. I’ll be honest, if I could I would love to get to know every possible interesting individual I come across daily, be it female or male. Those who know me will right off the back say I’m a flirt, which is true. But I believe everybody is a flirt so to single me out as if its wrong or trashy is honestly offensive to me.

The only problem I come across is noticing other’s inability to re-connect once an interaction has concluded. People really believe simply because you were a customer at their place of business or a mere passerby you can’t continue your connection outside of the previous situation of communication. I think thats not and only unfortunate but sad. We would find ourselves immersed in such diverse social circles if we took that opportunity more often. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve managed to gain a female’s number or e-mail and received no response from my initial contact. Honestly that shit hurts. Females don’t really understand maybe because so many men approach them for phone numbers merely interested in sex they take real encounters for granted. Or maybe they feel they are just too busy to introduce a fresh soul in their life. Another point I believe is said. I’ll be real and one hundred percent honest with you, I’m an awesome person to have in your life. I can introduce you to things you never knew existed, be it interesting daily facts, interesting music, a whole new network of people, and a philosophy on life you’d never realized before. I love meeting new people everyday, its a driving force in my music as well as my lifestyle.

I see so many people who’s world seems so small and closed off from the outside. Unless its familiarity they are comfortable with they’d rather not tap into new stimulation through new people. How the hell are we supposed to fix the problems of this world if we can’t even help fix one another. And it takes each other to fix ourselves trust me, nobody can do this alone. Instead of embracing fresh faces and new relationships we respond with jealousy for one another, or discontent. I can’t stand those who use sarcasm as a means for daily communication, though I do use it when its appropriate there’s no need to be rude to everybody all the fucking time. Get over yourself, and your insecurity issues really. Nobody knows that better than me, as I once felt the need to dismiss everybody who didn’t live at the same heights that I did, and have always had troubles controlling my attitude. I however have tried to grow and mature the older I get and not let my ego take control of my personality. Its a learning process though, it does take growing up to realize that.

But once you do, you should appreciate the opportunity to introduce fresh faces into your social/professional circles as often as possible. I promise, the world becomes so amazing when you take advantage of it. I never knew that before; I know that now. If me and you share an interest be it even for a brief second, then why not use that as a means to really get to know one another. You may find me to be someone who you would want to become closer with and vise versa. But I can’t do that if you don’t let me in. I have just as much trouble letting people in as the next person, only difference is I can let my guard down if I see it may be worth it. Because sometimes, it is sooooo worth it. Why not try to do the same from time to time???

;)

2011-08-02T13:24:00.001-05:00

Saw the 'Pac Thug Angel documentary the other day. I'm convinced he's the only artist I can compare my music work ethic to. Writing 24/7!

2011-08-02T12:13:00.001-05:00

Lmao next time I'm running out of cash I'm asking my bank 2 raise my debt budget! Our congress is such a fucking joke! Smh

Changing the World (Part 2 of 3)

2011-07-26T14:19:00.002-05:00

As I write this entry I’m sitting in the lobby area of the St. Anthony Hotel here in downtown San Antonio. Just finished a nice warm shower after a dip in their rooftop pool. Its a very nice almost colonial style hotel, with lots of history. San Antonio’s downtown has lots of history and endless stories to offer with their array of older buildings. My DJ has a show tonight in downtown S. A as a weekly event which he spins on every last monday of every month. I completely forgot this was the last monday but I did say I wanted to join next time, he spun, so here I am. After a not so productive weekend outside of usual debauchery, I needed to clear my head. This multi-part blog entry is perfect for exactly what my intentions have been as of recent.

I’ve always believed through sharing ideas, and acknowledging what were normally not consciously aware of we can build strong connections and relationships with each other. In school I was a very outspoken person, and had more friends throughout my adolescence than most will have in a lifetime. I love connecting and sharing ideas with new people in new places. I can’t stand being stuck in one place for extended periods of time. It drives me crazy. And we’ve only recently begun to tap the surface of connecting with one another all across the planet via social networking. The recent flood of various social networks in the past five years alone has completely changed the way we respond to each other and what can be shared within a single instance. Can you imagine what society a hundred years ago would have thought about today’s fast paced information exchanging world? I mean if given the right forum and proper use, we can share ideas and advice with thousands, even millions in a single click all across the planet.

What does this mean for entertainment? Well we can pretty much utilize these tools in order to connect on a deeper level than just daily useless banter and irrelevance. If we use these tools to spread universal messages of peace, love, and truth, we can change things for the better. How do we do this? Well simple status updates and news feed with meaningful articles is a start. But how we can truly change the frequencies of one another constantly is by building networks. I’m an artist, a writer, a thinker, a philosopher, a lover, a connector. By building a deep-rooted connection with my fellow artists and fans, we can work together to increase positive movements and innovative ideas. If I ask a fan to share my music with their friends in order to increase my fan-base its not merely to gain popularity as much as it is to touch as many people as possible. My fans love my music because I’m speaking to them, almost directly, if they’ve felt my pains, woes, and struggles. And on the opposite side of the spectrum, I also want to share my joys, loves, and positive vibration as well.

Maybe I was born to inspire and motivate. Maybe I was given all these tools and talents, to share with the world and hopefully encourage them to do the same. Using the internet, digital distribution, and mass media resources this can not only be a close future, but a monumental reality for all of us. Its not only my music I wish to share with the world, but also music that inspires me. I listen to several artists of various sorts within various genres. Most of them you’ll never hear of if you aren’t a music enthusiast as I am. Through instant communication and a strong presence as well as following in many social networks I intend on building a movement unlike anything my generation has seen yet.

At first I wanted to be a successful recording artist. Now its become much more than that. Its become a very ambitious goal to have an effect on the world using every facet of media/communications my imagination can produce. There’s no reason we can’t take advantage of today’s technology for reasons other than profit. Its not that I disagree with financial profit, but if it is the sole purpose for your daily actions then I’m sorry you live an empty and lacking life. Just my opinion. There’s more to life than money.... Trust me. You’ll only understand that when you can find happiness in the simple things that require not a single dime to have. Remember its more than just a feeling....

;)

2011-07-25T20:02:00.001-05:00

I wouldn't mind seeing the "Likes" increase on my fan-page, Facebook.com/Mattgmuzik por favor! New music on the new moon (7/30)

2011-07-25T14:23:00.001-05:00

Everyday the world changes. Don't let the past prevent u from loving the present and creating a feature...

1luv
-G

2011-07-23T18:11:00.001-05:00

Rest in Peace Amy Winehouse... May u find happiness in death u couldn't fins in life. Blessings to all her fans across the world.

Changing the world... (Part 1 of 3)

2011-07-22T15:08:00.001-05:00

So people are always trying to figure me out... Good luck on that one. Sorry but from what I’ve seen me and you may never see eye to eye because my concept of reality is obviously not the same as others. Never will understand the meaning of useless soul-sucking jobs and financial motivation... That’s just me. But there is one thing for sure, I guess I’m supposed to help human beings some how. I mean, why would I have such an odd, obscure perspective of life, and this talent to share it with the world? So here’s what I figure. I’m going to change the world. Yes I’ll say it one more time so you can understand me properly, I’m going to change the world. I was born to. It has always been my destiny. Always will be. I understood it as a child, and even more as a man. Other people look at me crazy like, wtf he is he talkin’ about? I usually get a good kick from that. Cuz if they don’t see it now... They never will.

I’m sure you’re wondering how does this kid plan on changing the world? Well here’s a multi-part blog entry to explain just that. Let’s start with the obvious, the music. Music is my life. I live, breathe, and eat it. Its not a hobby. It’s not something I do for fun... It’s not a side-gig, it is ME. It pisses me off when people downplay the difficulty it is being an artist, because its not a switch I can turn on and off. God gave us all emotion. But he gave people like me the ability and talent to express it, so understand that is for a reason. I take every experience, internalize it, then externalize it in my music. My verses are emotions expressed in verbiage, plain and simple. If you don’t have the courage to say how you feel than I’m sorry for you. I truly am, because if you don’t express how you feel to the world how the fuck are you supposed to receive honest feedback in life? Seriously? Stop embracing apathy. Its an ugly characteristic.

I plan on not only building a loyal and honest fan-base but a network of believers in my goal. Which is simply this. If we believe can do it, we will do it. There is a war going on right now in front of your fucking face. I have to use explicit terminology because that’s how important this message is. There is a war between good and evil; ignorance and knowledge, doing and stalling. Its going on right now and powers that you can’t individually identify are working to use it upon you as we speak. This is no conspiracy, this is the truth. If you don’t see it, then once again, I’m sorry for you. If you do see it then you’re like me, and if you’re tired of it, then we see eye to eye. Tupac Shakur was more than a person to me. He was an idea, just like the movie, V describes, and ideas last forever. He couldn’t stress enough how important it was to have a voice, and to let it be heard. So tragic he was taken from us so early, but that in itself is reason why artists like myself were born; to continue that legacy.

I know there’s artists who have the same agenda as I do. I know their intent is to have an impact on humanity and society concurrently. And to them, I applaud, but where me and them are different is my overall goals. It starts with my music. It continues with the artists I intend on finding in my travels, and helping. The artists I will develop and shape into soldiers of truth and freedom, that will continue my legacy long after I’m gone. From then it will spill into communications and energy. With my financial success in music I’ll continue philanthropic work by being involved in culminating new technology using natural resources that the corrupt institution of fossil fuel business has prevented. I have plans on creating means of communications in order to increase awareness in one another. The music will simply open the idea and spread it like wildfire. The fans that connect because of it will see each other not just as fans but as family. Because we all have the same goals in mind we will work together to defeat evil and hatred wherever it may lie.

Sound like lofty goals huh? Well they aren’t dreams for me, they are apart of an agenda I have already begun. By continuing networking and connecting with the various tools we’ve recently been giving it’ll be even easier to achieve such goals in a swift and orderly fashion. The amazing tools of facebook, google plus, spotify, last.fm, pandora one, and Icloud are merely the beginning. If we learn how to utilize these various communication opportunities we can do amazing things. We simply have to remove this ideology that we aren’t amazing creatures and capable of anything, because that my friend is a flat out lie. We are capable of anything, all you truly have to do, is put ur mind to it... I promise. It is that easy. To be continued...

;)

2011-07-21T19:34:00.001-05:00

"You got what it takes to make it, if u don't make it, that's a fuckin crime 2 humanity! God I hope that's not this world" -random fan

Big Business

2011-07-19T12:50:00.000-05:00

Okay, its been almost 9 days since my last entry. As I’ve written numerous times, my goal eventually is to be able to update my blogs at least once a day, but damn, life is nuts! I’m gonna touch on something a little different this afternoon. Rather than talk about how crazy my weekend was again, and what stories I have to offer for my music I’d rather discuss a more serious aspect of the music world from my seat. I look at life almost as if I’m just on one huge plane ride looking out the window at all the madness going on below and most living within the madness are completely unaware about. I used to think it was tragic, but eventually you learn what humility is for, and it becomes hysterical. Joker and Batman, Lol... Inside joke.

A new social network has been introduced to the world.... Wait before I start this entry I’ll just remind you that because I’ve been an active member of Ascap for over 3 years I get daily updates on any important news in the communications business just before it hits mainstream media. Even if it does hit mainstream, you have to subscribe to various magazines to even know about any of it at all, before you see a commercial or news report on television. I had been following the emergence of Google Plus and Spotify for quite sometime now. They are supposed to be a new and innovative addition to our music exchanging, social networking experience... And believe me they are. G+ launched roughly a month or so and is an invite only social network that allows you to connect just as Facebook. Difference is, its less personally fueled and more driven to increase networking through business so the settings are more open and easy to use. They amount of activity happening right now with G+ its mind blowing. The amount of users has almost quadrupled in a matter of days, so from last monday to today, the world has changed completely. I can’t stress to you how incredible of a thought that is for those of us who have connected using G+.

Moving forward to what this means. Maybe you’re not one of those who’s up to date on the ever so fast changing worlds of social networking and new technology, so you’re unfamiliar. Fair enough, no big deal, many people unless they are involved in the industry are very unaware of how fast these things change our lives directly and indirectly. But not me. I am at the forefront of revolutionary commerce here as an artist and a business mind. I’m years ahead of the curve and about to capitalize on opportunities other artists were too busy smoking their life away to cease... Not saying I don’t partake, but I’m always looking at the next step before I do... Connecting others through networking using entertainment, ideas, communication, and more is the future of our society. And its something that is my job to utilize because under the wrong control, information is deadly. Think about this, ten years ago when I was in high school there wasn’t wifi or high speed internet, it was dial-up and only services used were AOL and compuserve. Our generation was behind Napster but the first CD I burned took like 4 hours to download and burn, and the quality was garbage. Not two years after I graduated was the emergence of Cable/DSL. File sharing quickly becomes the first culprit to steal major industries market shares. Two years later labtops replaced desktops as the common college students computer. A year later, myspace and student only Facebook... etc. etc. And now we have a world driven mad by constant communication, anti-social addiction, so much information being shared we’ve sped up the process of death by cancer without even trying.

Sounds scary huh? Well it shouldn’t be because whether you like it or not this is the world we now live in and its not reversing to the nineties anytime soon, so get used to it. If you want to play with the big boys of modern industry without letting them eat your soul from the inside you have to practice on the same court. There’s no dreaming anymore for me. I have seen what the future has to offer and as its coming true before my eyes as I was hoping four years ago, I’m all aware and ready for the next step in not only music but communications as a whole. I’ve talked about changing the world my whole life. I’m doing it from a stage, in a studio in front of a mic, then calmly behind my keyboard and screen to tell all about it. Glad you decided to join me...

;)

A New Found Love of Living

2011-07-11T22:28:00.000-05:00

(The I Give... They Take... Writing Chronicles)

I had an awakening recently. I can’t give you the specifics of it as of now, you’ll just have to wait and listen to the music I’m working on right now to get the story but I’ll tell you it changed my life. I can honestly say that because since then I haven’t been able to look at the world the same. Its like I received a spiritual validation to every inclination I’ve ever felt about the world around me. What I experienced gave me a sense of relief and joy because I finally actually saw and felt what I always knew what was true. The truth that all of us here on earth, and i do mean all of us as in every living breathing organism, not just human, are connected. I have finally been able to understand the Zen teachings of spiritual oneness that I’ve read about over the course of recent years. If you know anything about buddhism or reincarnation then you have an idea of what I’m talking about. If you’ve actually experienced this revelation personally then me and you understand one another on a more in depth level.

I wish I could physically show people what this life really is. I wish I could physically show them space and time are basically constructs of our own imagination and matter is merely a condensed slow vibration moving within consciousness. There are things around us that we can’t see, that we aren’t supposed to see. These human shells we call bodies prevent us from seeing and experiencing specific aspects of life meant for higher consciousness. But if you know how to access the higher spiritual elements that exist within then you can take full advantage of the more beautiful parts of life. Its a matter of feeling the energies and vibrations around you and though we experience this all the time unconsciously, we can also do it consciously.

First, you have to let go of everything you think you know. I mean literally everything you think you know about reality and dimension. I have an extremely high IQ and spiritual sensibility and I’ll be the first to tell you, no matter what you think you know... Reality is you don’t know shit. I say that with all things considered because, even as much knowledge as I’ve accrued over time as well as Knowledge I gain every day, I don’t know shit. Then you have to realize what prevents you from achieving the sense of spirituality required to achieve higher consciousness, which is simple but not easy. The one thing that prevents us all from seeing truth, is fear. You have to acknowledge that you are afraid, and overcome that fear. Because as the great MLK himself said, there is nothing to fear, except fear itself. When I say overcome fear, I don’t just mean verbally admit you’re not afraid, I mean you have remove the strong emotion that lies within which gives fear its power.

There are many emotions we are built with, thats what makes us human. The key is to learn how to control those emotions and not let them control you. And one construct of the human psyche that makes us unique from other species is our ability to love. Love isn’t an emotion by the way. I say that because its such a mystery it isn’t classified as an emotion as recognized by schools of psychology, which is what i studied in college. Its my personal belief that the only aspect of human nature strong enough to defeat fear is love. Sure we have will, courage, compassion, sympathy, logic, reason, etc. etc. There are many tools human beings can utilize to overcome certain fears, but love will win over fear every time. Some believe fear is so strong it can defeat anything. They’re wrong. Because even they are too afraid to love, as some see it as a weakness. As if love makes us vulnerable. Its not love that makes us vulnerable, its ignorance, and most are even too afraid to admit that.

Let me explain to you the reason why I do this. Write the words you’re reading, make the music you listen to, share the thoughts and opinions with others over social networks. Because others don’t. Because when others are so afraid to say how they feel or express what’s inside they need another way release that expression. Well that other way is me. I manifest all the energies that surround me everywhere I go, everyday. I then utilize that energy and process it, then I take both the positive and negative and form my art as needed. Its not only what I experience that gives me the strength to make music and write, its the energy I receive from you. My fan, my friend, my family, my reason for believing there is more out there then just this. And those mysteries of what lies beyond this existence are all I need to know that we... are not alone...

;)

Just to be Different

2011-07-07T00:15:00.001-05:00

(The I Give... They Take... Writing Chronicles)

We are not the same. When I say that I don’t say it with any condescending demeanor intended. Its just a cold hard fact. Now I know, one would probably like to interject with the obvious in saying well, none of us are the same. Well, ok... True I’ll give you that. But many have the same philosophies, beliefs, and basic perspectives of their reality of this life. They follow the same religion, political affiliation, community sensibility, socio-economic background, ethnic background etc. etc. Therefore they see one another as peers and oddly enough, one in the same. I state that because the attitude this brings out is one that looks at others outside their comfort zone of familiarity as not the same or simply different. I however don’t believe in religion and see race/ethnicity as a mere formality that causes unique personal characteristics but serves as no importance when analyzing the human race as a whole. Politics are a waste of my time, though I read political science literature for personal reasons, and as far as community or socio-economic differences, well that’s just not important to me.

What was the purpose of that entire first paragraph? To establish the understanding that we are not the same. I don’t limit my behavior, attitude, outlook, nor habitual nature in accordance to any of the above listed. If I like it, I do it... If I feel it, I like doing it, if I like doing it, I’m gonna do more of it. The more I try new experiments to alter my consciousness, the more I see in the world from a totally different angle. The more I feel the need to establish and re-irritate the fact that there is no need for the mediocrity and apathy that plagues mankind more and more as the global population increases. What is so great about spending tens of thousands of dollars on a useless education that amasses almost inescapable debt, in order to work for a meaningless company that cares nothing about giving back to the fundamental quality of life for humanity and nature? What is so important about paying taxes to a government that doesn’t care about their own citizens, amassing loans from banks who only take from their customers, and living an empty life filled with banality and redundance?

What happened to experience and spiritual growth? Tell me at what point between the ancient secrets of the egyptians and the indians did we lose the ability to connect with one as humans and nature as a whole? Let me explain to you a divine truth that is more real than any dollar salary or stock option.... We are all a conscious force moving within one another and connected to every living organism in this universe. Matter is merely energy condensed to a slow moving vibration and death is merely another form of existence in a different manifestation. There are infinite dimensions in our universe and time and space is merely in the imagination. That is reality, that is what’s real. What’s the purpose of life? To love as much as possible as long as possible and enjoy every existential experience you can, because once its gone its gone.

It gets tiring and frustrating seeing so many lost souls out there with no ambition for something greater than what they can physically see. Its rare to see meaningful intellectual exchanges going on between true friends anymore. Maybe it wasn’t ever prevalent amidst the obsession with social status and materialism that seems to be so important to so many who never leave the rat race. Maybe I’m just abnormal in my thinking and unique perception of what is meaningful in life. How can you gain any real experience from the world if you spend 5-6 days a week, 10 hours a day, working for someone else doing menial work that serves no real personal purpose most your life? Money is a big deal. Its so important people take lives every single day multiple times a day for financial gain. Wars, drugs, robbery, gang violence, etc. etc. if not for vengeance is usually for some sense of profit. Wow... That gives me relief... It makes me feel like life is really precious and should be held to some sense of high standard, doesn’t it? I guess my concept of preservation of life no matter what is a complete distortion of reality... I must be different... I must have it all wrong. Unless I’m one of the very few who actually has it right, and everyone else has it wrong...

;)

Open Your Eyes

2011-07-04T02:17:00.001-05:00

(The I Give... They Take... Writing Chronicles)

Another wild weekend with more experiences to drive me to write more music... Such a beautiful tragedy life is, lol... I say that with honest empathy. I try to love every second of my life, although the pains of this world do bring me down at times. They say without suffering you can’t have blues, which is where the heart of hip-hop lies, but then again there is rejoice as well. I always like to look back and compare my past experiences with my present ones, in order to judge how much I’ve matured and how much more I appreciate life. I have to say, one of the best part of my life would have to be all the amazing people I meet all the time. Being and artist and playing shows all over the city and soon all over the world gives me the chance to share my music, feelings, and ideas with new people regularly, and since I was a kid, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.

You know surprisingly enough I was like all my friend’s pseudo-psychiatrist and unofficial guidance counselor. Back before everyone had a a smart phone there was no text messaging and no facebook. Believe it or not we actually had to spend time at home on a landline in our bedrooms listening to music while having real phone conversations. Crazy huh? lol... From freshman year all through high school my friends would call me with all their troubles, asking for advice. They used to tell me how much they respected me because of my independence and strong spirit. Shocking to me because I consider myself extremely unstable and vulnerable. Their girlfriends would also call me when they had problems, guess I’m easy to talk to.

Over the years I’ve built some reputation for being the go-to guy to talk to about personal problems, maybe because I’ve had to deal with so many of my own. Its through these problems I found strength and wisdom to prepare for whatever life throws at me. You know trying to be a famous music artist is fucking hard as hell, so you have to be prepared for endless hurdles as they get stacked in front of you constantly. That’s why all my studies and research has helped me not only understand the world around me but how to handle it all accordingly. Its given me the power to push past anything thats put in front of me. It pains me sometimes how people can be so ignorant when trying to argue my views on the world. How can you possibly argue about things you know nothing of?

People try to label me a conspiracy theorist or call me crazy. I usually laugh because of their foolishness and utter ignorance. If you have never seen the wonders of this world what is it exactly that you think you know? I’ve only seen a small percentage of my own part of the planet but know there’s so much out there I can’t wait to experience. With that being said, we know so little about our own planet how can we think to know what lies outside of it. As far as I’m concerned to most people, space is merely a movie or television show, The real experience I’m sure is mind blowing. Before you come to some illogical conclusion based on what you don’t know why don’t you establish what you do know first? Truth is, we don’t know shit... Even the ones who do know don’t know shit.

We walk around making assumptions and judgements about other people and the world around us before we even take the opportunity to know them or it. I could never live like that. I learn so much from other artists, they help teach me how I can evolve all the time, and I’ll never take that for granted. I also see so many artists that do take such opportunities for granted because they think the world owes them something for their contribution. I like most artists am trying to be successful but its merely to give myself even more opportunity to give the world what I have to offer, not because I require extreme financial rewards or meaningless fame. The fame will come with a cost and I’m ready for that, but it will only because I’m doing it for the fans. If I can give them something in return for them giving me the opportunity to share my talents then I consider the feeling between us mutual. Spread knowledge, love, joy... Spread it like a disease, and once you’re infected, you’ll be glad there is no cure...

;)

Mental Processing...

2011-06-26T14:59:00.002-05:00

(The I Give... They Take... Writing Chronicles)

Congratulations... As a reader of my blog you get the chance to witness writing frenzy... Lol. As I stated in the previous entry I took it easy this weekend. I hit it pretty hard anytime I go out so I forget how good it feels to just relax and spend time doing what I love doing the most, creating art obviously. I spent alot of time organizing the catalogue of beats I’ve picked up over the course of the past few months. I always assume since this is what I always do I may as well have work that always needs to be done. Therefore I found a few beats I received from a producer back in November that needed to brought to life. These entries are called writing chronicles for a reason. I may have thought of a great song last November to write for a particular melody and grabbed a beat that sounded best. However the song itself obviously took several months to finally construct properly. I starting writing a song called No Boundaries to a track produced by a friend of mine, G-Clef. As I listened to the song again I felt differently about the mood... It was no longer about breaking down the boundaries that keep us confined... It was about destroying them at a slow, steady pace, and watching them burn to ashes.

Once I get inspiration to write a particular song, that feeling spills over on to several other different concepts and vibes. A good song-writing binge will take place over the course of up to 6 to 8 hours sometimes. I think I’ve gone a full 12 hours give or take a half hour here and there for breaks, just writing music. It takes alot of focus to write a full song in a single session, unless thats the aim of your goal, its very rare I have the time or drive in a moment to do so. But it happens. I like to stretch the process out. Start with an idea, then embed it inside your brain to the point it subconsciously drives you to go out into the world and find that experience, live that feeling. When you’ve been properly stimulated to the point you have to express, its time to go back and finish the song properly. I hate forcing lyrics just to complete a song, its almost like I robbed the song of feeling.

I use to organize my song concepts. You know try to line up songs to finish in sequence so its like a school project was completed in time. It wasn’t till recently I learned to let go. If you scroll through my blog entries you’ll see this is the most productive month of blogging I’ve had in a year. I knew one day I would update almost daily, but as i’ve already stated before, I needed a reason. My mind runs around every which direction regularly. One of my biggest frustrations is how my mind never stops thinking. Its constantly problem solving, the more I read, the more complex my thoughts become. Once I begin to see a pattern between what I’m studying and aiming to achieve its like I’m becoming a stronger weapon of verbal configuration. I have a method to my blogging too... I listen to a particular Downtempo/Electronic group as I write every entry. Their music is on the playlist to the left, feel free to listen... Hint, its the only music on the widget that isn’t mine...Lol. It’s help me become a more consistent writer.

I Give... They Take... Chapter II is over half written... Once every song is memorized they’ll be recorded in a timely fashion. As often as I can schedule studio time, I’ll be sure to not take extended absences this time around. I grow after every session, it only makes since I do it as often as possible. I have a world of competition I have to face as well, the more exposure I receive so I have to allow them to be the fuel to feed the fire. That’s what these songs are, a fire inside that builds stronger and stronger the further its spread. Since I’ve found my newly attained rededication to my work, its become the most therapeutic method of growth and maturity on a personal and artistic level. It took me a little longer to kick-start 2011, but least I got moving before half-way... Now into overdrive, I got more work to do...

;)

Seeing is Believing

2011-06-26T01:42:00.002-05:00

(The I Give... They Take... Writing Chronicles)

This was a pretty calm weekend. I spent Friday evening with family and had the chance to enjoy time to myself as I usually work Friday evenings. I decided to take it easy Saturday night. I regularly use Saturday’s as a ritual for late night debauchery but I had alot on my mind to strum through as I prep myself for the rest of this summer’s plans. So many ideas, and plans, so little resources. Actually resourcefulness has become plenty in today’s music world. Through digitization the modern music model has changed in favor of the artist. Now, more than ever do we have control of our career at our disposal. As good as this is, its also required us to be more responsible in understanding the business side of music more than ever. In a perfect world, this would work in favor of us all... But this isn’t a perfect world.

There’s something you should know about most of us. We’re all completely out of our minds and when not inspired or motivated to create our art, we get lazy. We tend to dwell into altered state’s of consciousness in order to find that next story. To find that next experience we have to take our bodies and minds to places we never know the outcome. But once we come back from that trip, we have to remind ourselves that we’re forced to still live in the systematic structure of society. Whether we partake in traditional societal norms is a matter of individual choice. To each his own. I always have grandiose ideas of how I would change things if given the chance.

One day I’ll lay to rest my need to directly create music as that as they say is a young man’s game. If I do have somewhat of a lengthy life I wouldn’t mind philanthropy. I mean why not right? Giving back to the integrity of life should be an experience every successful man deserves to have. Proper education has been something I’ve always wanted to be involved in. I remember growing up, I hated school. I loved the social structure, having friends I saw everyday, but I hated the institution itself. I never got along with my teachers. Their methods annoyed me and I found myself in trouble all the time. If I were involved in structuring education I’d make it more personal and interactive, like college. I’d also cut the time in half, as the current public school system’s school day is far too long. I read a book called “The Tipping Point” by Malcom Gladwell that explained the current public school structure and the reasoning behind alot of policies.

If we educated one another more often maybe we could co-exist as species in peace and actually help one another to survive. I often joke with friends and family about my disagreement with the modern day function of suburbia but I can’t seem to help it. Its obvious why suburban homes are isolated away from the fast paced movement of the urban world. And there’s not exactly anything wrong with that, I understand the need for safety and pre-caution. However, exposing children to urban settings as often as possible is also important to establish a connection to the inner-city. I was born and raise in an isolated suburbia with no urban influence for miles. I know the dangers of isolation from the outside world and what kind of mentality it creates.

I always ask people if they know what the world is really like? If they’ve traveled and experienced history from the inside out. How would you know what New York City is like if you’ve never been there? As far as I’m concerned unless you’ve felt that energy, it might as well be nothing more than a fucking movie to those that have never had that feeling. And that’s not even the tip of the iceberg. I’ve always said there’s a difference between traveling, and seeing the world. You can travel several different places and never really seen a thing. There’s just as big a difference in seeing and looking. Because people look around themselves everyday and never see what’s going on right in front of their faces. A close mind that can’t accept abstract concepts and ideas that require in depth conscious reasoning is a confusion. However, many close minds conjoined in actions of ignorance is dangerous, and can be extremely detrimental.

Maybe I can be apart of the solution in opening closed minds to what is really out there. Truth, love, fate, the universe... It’s all out there, I say why not gain as much from it as humanly possible and share that feeling with your fellow man. I’ll tell you what I believe so far. It starts with the women, who have to renew our faith in loyalty and we’ll protect every aspect of family value. At least its a start in my eyes. Somehow amidst the venus/mars debate we created imaginary war zones and been fighting to defend turfs when we should be on the same side. Get past the fear... Embrace the unknown... Life is way cooler once you learn how to do so.

;)

More to Life...

2011-06-22T13:51:00.002-05:00

(The I Give... They Take... Writing Chronicles)

My music is a direct reflection of the person I have become living the life I’ve led and seeing the world as I have over the past twenty eight years. Now I haven’t seen much of the world but I’ve seen more than many. I’ve at least experienced a vast majority of what my own country has to offer and a small preview of what the countries north and south of us have as well. Sometimes I lay down during the evenings and just look back at my life, introspectively. I think about my childhood, and the world as I knew it growing up in a small, oil town in west texas. Then I think about my tribulations as an adolescence and how important I thought miniscule problems were. Sometimes I wonder, had I not been so foolish to ignore so many conflicts, which direction would my future have taken me? Had I dated the girls I really wanted to, and fallen in love with my crushes in a reciprocal fashion, would I still be here doing this? Would I need to do this had I had the love life I yearned for as a young adult? I know you can’t look back on your life saying what if, or you’ll never learn to mature, but sometimes its interesting to wonder.

I think my sense of wanderlust would have always led me to a life and a world bigger than that I knew as a child. I used to fantasize about the urban settings my inspirational voices talked about. I always wanted to know what L.A, N.Y, Chicago, and Miami were like. Every time my family visited Dallas or Houston I was in awe. I felt something drawing me towards an urban setting and metropolitan environment. There’s just something about all the energy and movement taking place at the same time all around that gives me life. I remember riding my bike around the neighborhood streets of Midland and Amarillo in boredom and annoyance thinking to myself, there has to be more than this. I used to tell myself, I don’t want to be one of these people living in the houses of these neighborhoods eating dinner at the same time every night, watching the same prime-time television shows, waiting for the weekend to be active. I’m not by any means criticizing those who enjoy that type of lifestyle, but it just never was for me.

Here I am now, fighting with every ounce of energy I have for the lifestyle I want. The lifestyle of traveling to a new city every night, meeting new people all the time, and never settling for the same ol’ same ol’ routine. I see the lives of the artists who have succeeded in fulfilling their dream over the past few years and find myself building a sense of frustration and confusion, because I want that life so bad, its almost painful. I tell myself, you deserve that, you’ve sacrificed every bit of normality and refused to conform to every day routines, there’s no other way for you to live. I hate being boxed in, and I can’t stand being stuck in a rut. As of now I’m not necessarily stuck in a rut, but I still haven’t broken out into the world as I’ve wanted, and I ask myself... When is it going to be your time? When do you get to show the world what you have to offer? When do you finally see the rewards for all you’ve put into this?

Nobody in my family can understand what its taken to do what I’ve done. Though they continuously show their support and appreciation for the life I’ve chosen, I can see it in their faces. They have no idea what it takes to achieve what I’m trying to do, and how hard its been to do so over the course of the past 4 years. Honestly, compared to the talent that is on your television screen everyday and playing on your radio dial, I feel those around me take my talent for granted. I feel so honored and blessed to know the talented artists I know. Its like a privilege sometimes to be considered equal to many of the artists I’ve recorded and performed with. Not that anybody else’s approval matters to me, but its nice to be recognized for your work. Not only that, its nice to know not only are others paying attention, but to know they’re also exposing more to your art is extremely gratifying. Can’t say I've really had that feeling very often recently.

I stayed up till 4 A.M. last night working on some music I had started months ago. I didn’t want to go to sleep because I had so much motivation the creative juices were just flowing. I thought to myself what is it going to take to get the world to know who I am? What the fuck am I supposed to do besides what I’m already doing. Once those thoughts poured into my brain, more frustration set in and I lost that motivation. I can’t help but feel I was born for this, and wake the lost souls who’ve been asleep their entire life from the truth. The truth of what we all are, what this all is, and what it really means to be apart of this beautiful cycle we call life. And not just human life, ALL LIFE. Plants, animals, every living molecule that creates this world should be celebrated every day. Do we do that? Not as a society, not as a species. No we take it for granted and we destroy it in the name of greed and profit. I’ve already made a post about my feelings of this, but I’ll never stop reminding you of our world’s biggest problem, us... Don’t worry, I get like this at times, where I feel stuck, but I always find a way out, by doing exactly this... Every day... Giving, while they keep taking...

;)

No Matter What

2011-06-21T22:15:00.005-05:00

(The I Give... They Take... Chronicles)

I just finished watching The Voice. It’s an amateur singing competition on NBC judged by four of today’s music industry’s biggest stars. Now I’m no fan of American Idol by any means. For various reasons but I just am not a fan of the whole A.I. movement, even when it began. But this competition however, well first of all, has real talent and is judged very critically by artists that are prevalent in today’s music world, not has-beens that have no business deciding the music world’s next big star. Now alot of people ask me why I don’t join any of these competitions? Well honestly I just wouldn’t wanna put my faith in a television competition because I’d rather not kill my career before it begins, which happens more often than not in these shows. The Voice however is so full of talent I can’t even begin to explain how impressed I’ve been, from start up till now, which I believe is in the final round. Beyond being a fan of the new artists presented on this show I’ve also come to learn alot about what so many go through in search of success in the music world.

I’ve tried to reach out to my favorite artists’ competing, to possibly collaborate on recording music, as ideas for new music are consistently racking my brain. I feel I’m a strong enough songwriter and talent seeker, I can make a hit with any type of sound as well as any voice. If you want me to be honest I believe I am one of the most talented artists of my generation because I am willing to push the envelope with my creativity, unlike any other hip-hop aritst/rapper I've seen as of yet. I not only develop regularly as a rapper, but learn new ways to write lyrics for every type of singer and genre possible. I want to one day write a billboard chart topping hit for every single genre, as well as win awards for songwriting for the same. I know if I was given the chance to work with not only new artists, but some of the most successful artists in the industry, there would be no denying what kind of beautiful music I’m capable of creating.

I’ve always said this but you can’t understand how much I mean it, when I say, If I could be in the studio every day of the week, non-stop I’d make some of the most incredible music you’ll ever hear. Sounds like alot of boasting doesn’t it? That’s because watching competitions like the voice inspire me and motivate me to work even harder to gain the recognition I need to make these desires come true. After every episode I feel my hunger strengthening and my will to blow the world away with my music build to the point it wants to burst out of my heart.

Alot confuse the desire to be known with some narcissistic self obsession to acquire fame. That’s not what my intentions are. My intentions are to build a following of fans who see the world as I do, and appreciate the point of view I have to offer them. The words and ideas I share, and the sounds I can give them will motivate them to stand up for what they believe and back down from no force that tries to prevent them from achieving their dreams. So many people out there are so easily intimidated by the power of the masses, senseless prejudicial judgement, and characterizations from others that they hide who they are deep down. I’ll tell you one thing my friend, if I can do it, then ANYONE can do it. I have had more people attempt to bring me down and tear down every inner desire than I can remember, and with a grin and a finger, I said fuck em all. Why? Because that’s what Tupac Shakur gave me, the will to say “Fuck em all...” If they can’t see who I am beneath my 5’8, 145 lb frame, then I don’t need em.

Wanna know what true perseverance is? Its when everyone around you tells you its not possible and you know deep down, though they may think you’re crazy, you’re the only one that knows its really them who is out of their minds. Instead of letting the world decide what you can or can’t do, and give up before you start the race, take a few laps around the track and keep your head up before you start running. You may lose a hundred times, but if you win even once... You know what it feels like to taste victory. If you’d like me to elaborate then simply listen to my song, “Stuck in this Moment” on my IGTT mixtape under my music section. Because that moment of victory, no matter how brief, lasts forever, and nobody can take it away from you... Unless you let them...

;)

Lost

2011-06-18T15:59:00.004-05:00

(The I Give... They Take... Writing Chronicles)

God its hot in this damn town... Lol. I gotta start this one off with that tidbit of inside info. That observation alone triggers a puzzle of thoughts for me. As I go into the inspiration behind a song I recently finished fittingly titled, “Lost” I have to air a couple sentiments out. This weather we have experienced over the course of the past year or so is not natural. Matter of fact nothing that takes place in our environment is natural anymore. Sad how technologically advanced our society has become and yet we don’t know where our species is going. Our lust for power and greed have driven our species to the point we are now at a crossroads with nature. Instead of providing means to give back to our environment we’ve killed mother earth in the search for profit. We lost sight of what civilizations before us understood, and that’s the importance of mankind’s relationship with nature.

If you have ever seen the movie Avatar, you should have a basic understanding of what I am referring to. There is a link, a network that exists between man, animals, nature, and the cosmos. We can’t always see it, matter fact we don’t see it, we feel it. The feeling you get when you’re engaging in a nostalgic moment enjoying a beautiful sight of nature is where it begins. Being able to derive pleasure from nature is a fundamental part of what connects us to the universe. See this is all energy. Everything in front of us starts with a basic molecular structure of various particles that form what we know as matter. The physical aspect including movement is the manifestation of energy and how we use it important when understanding the process of life.

Its so sad how many “lost” souls out there fail to grasp this simple concept. Its so easy to understand yet we tarnish the simple concept of life and our spiritual connections with pride, religion, hatred, fear.... The excuses are endless. I see so many lost faces around me as we speak, since I’m writing this entry as I enjoy a late lunch at Torchy’s Tacos on South Lamar Blvd, in Austin, Tx... Like that little plug-in? Knowing the state of mind I am in relation to where I am I believe is important for you to comprehend what you’re reading. I see empty expressions, faces filled with confusion, and people who are simply blind to what is occurring around them. I see people taking for granted the beauty of the world around them as they obsess over material wishes and meaningless discussions of ways to increase profit that’ll eventually decrease their sense of humanity. That’s why I wear headphones everywhere I go.... Unless your conversation offers something to increase quality of life, I’d rather not listen to a word you’re going to say to me. Sounds a bit cocky and pretentious I know, but let’s be honest, there is alot of ignorance out there in the world and why spread that infection with meaningless bantering.

You may ask, well what do you talk about when you’re in conversation? I’ll gladly lend out that insider info. I enjoy sharing experiences, telling amusing and entertaining stories, but I also enjoy exchanging ideas. Ideas of how we can help each other by using love and compassion instead of socio-economic detachment. I share new music I recently discovered and try to do anything to make every day different from the day before... I can’t stand the phrase, “same shit, different day” when someone is asked how they are doing. Every day should be a new beginning to another chapter in your storybook of life. I also enjoy sharing with others what I’ve learned because I learn every single day, though education and experience. In order to understand the concepts of various material I read, I try to interpret that knowledge with real life experiences of various sorts.

The opening lines to Lost are as follows:

i prepped myself for the next ascension
then left this world 2 the next dimension
crashed the system, satellites damaged
signs of intelligent life have vanished

That alone should give you an idea of what the rest of the song is about. The music is an upbeat melodic instrumental with a Katy Perry sample that gives it the feel good vibe. As I listen to the steady rhythm and keys I tried to take the listener on a journey outside of everyday life and the redundant cycle of work and school. I try to open the listeners mind to look at things from a different perspective. I hope they’ll understand that I am in no way attacking their need to fulfill daily accomplishments but rather that motivation for daily accomplishments. For those who are lost with no real direction in mind, I want to possibly give them something to strive for both within themselves and between their numerous connections with others. Forget what media has led you to believe is important and enjoy what is in front of you... It’s then you can really understand the simple pleasures you can gain every day, though simply living...

;)

The Beginning

2011-06-14T04:06:00.001-05:00

(The I Give... They Take... Writing Chronicles)

Since the day I started my blog I’ve wanted to be able to keep up with entries regularly. When I say regularly I mean every night but truthfully at least every other night seems fair enough till I can work the schedule out to the point it becomes innate second nature. I never managed to do so however. Hell, this past year there’s been several instances I went 3-4 weeks without posting shit. Possibly because I didn’t think anyone gave a fuck during those times but honestly it was because I would lose the motivation and couldn’t think of shit to write about. Well now that I have my own website and feel some kind of personal inclination to make regular updates of any sort, I also found various reasons to write regularly. These are the I Give... They Take... Writing Chronicles.

It’s 1:15 AM. Tuesday morning (Monday Nite depending on who you talk to). I spent a couple hours in the studio recording the two lead singles from my newest mixtape, I Give... They Take... Chapter II. It was fucking hot as hell today. If you know Austin, Tx summer heat, you know how painful it can be. Being outside makes you feel like you’re gonna disintegrate into thin air, in addition to the ridiculous humidity. My videographer was present the two hours I was there, filming the session. I hear about rappers spending all night in the studio, man I can’t wait till that’s my life. Every time I have to go extended periods without recording I feel my life has come to a stop and I’m doing nothing. But until I get the budget I need to record all night, its for a few hours a week for now.

The two tracks are entitled ‘Skyless’ & ‘Music is Me.’ Both feature my boy Rob Allen from Miami. Rob’s an amazing R&B/Pop singer. His voice is diverse and gives a almost Chris Brown/Mateo vibe to the track. These songs are special to me because I feel they’ll help set the tone of the mixtape. I consider this mixtape the real beginning of my career though Chapter I (R.R.R) went well, and The Flowetry EP will establish me as a commercially viable artist, Chapter II is where I want my music to go as I build fans who will be familiar with my sound, and know what to expect. The biggest difference between this project and Ch. I is wIth the exception of “Skyless,” I began writing every song within the past couple of months. Ch. I took me almost a year to finish. The writing process does take a long time, but it only took me that long because of personal struggles I had been going through, which hindered my motivation.

I wanted this mixtape to have a fresh feel to what I have been going through as of recent and show how much I evolved even since writing its successor. The process of development for us lyricist is fast and heavy. We feel the need to increase our strengths after every single track, I shit you not. I am finally comfortable enough behind the mic and on stage, there is no more doubt I will become one of the strongest lyricists to grace the mic. I see now what I never saw before and I want fans to feel that when they hear the difference in each of these tracks in comparison to the entire first mixtape.

I chose to pick a theme for my story as an artist just as Joe Budden, Weezy, and Royce Da 5’9” did with their mixtape series’ instead of different names for every project. I Give... They Take is basically my philosophical standpoint not only as an artist in music but as a human being in today’s modern society. I see people in the world broken down into two basic categories, givers and takers, although there are various levels in between many can fall into. Givers, give back to life in various forms. Artists, Musicians, some Doctors, physicians, physicists, scientists, healers, Fireman, Nurses etc. are all givers. Takers do nothing but take from you, and make quality of life more unbearable. Judges, Politicians, Business Executives, Lawyers, Police, Military are all takers. I know that concept may be hard to accept or arguable to some, but I dare you to debate my logic behind that breakdown. Its taken a lifetime of pain and failure to build that ideology, and learning how to fix the problem and re-build myself within to become a giver.

I want my fans to identify with both my passions and my pains, and share their struggles and success with my own. I wrote the songs within chapter II as a direct reflection of that. Tonight I finished writing the 8th song of the mixtape, which I’m not sure how many tracks will end up making the cut. The song was called Desire and I’ll write the follow up discussing the song itself and the specifics of the content. I predict it will take roughly 4 more weeks to finish writing the mixtape and possibly 6 to record and mix. That number could go up or down, depending on what happens in that time. As I’ve stated in previous blog entries, the world changes every day, and lifetimes change in weeks as an artist. As I spill out my heart over the music I also want to share the feelings and thoughts that led to each song’s conception which is what these chronicles are for. I’m glad to have you with me, as we travel this road together. Next on the list... Lost...

;)

Beneath the Surface

2011-06-13T20:18:00.000-05:00

It’s Going to be an Odd Future...

I am going to shift gears for a moment but before I write this entry let me make this clear, I am no advocate of censorship... Matter of fact I shutter at the thought of censorship as a whole, because my behavior is almost a counter to everything censorship represents. However, I will say I have grown out of many habits I used to frequent as a youth, I still remain true to my heart in defending the concept of being yourself. I’ve always felt expression no matter how offensive is important into connecting with one another as human beings, and if used properly, can be a learning tool for each of us. But I’ve always felt there was a fine line between self-expression and lewdness for the sake of simply being offensive because you have so much hatred and frustration for your environment you flat out can’t stand the thought of other’s relishing in happiness. I grew up in a small, pre-dominantly conservative west Texas town during the mid eighties and early nineties. Trust me there was nothing more frustrating than being limited in recreational activity because of community standards. But we dealt with such frustrations in a sensible enough normal teenage manner. We ignored rules and had a good time no matter what. However, there were always “troublemakers” who flat out hated societal norm so much they exhibited negative tendencies for no good purpose at all, simply because they were so unhappy they felt misery loves company was a better means of expression than mere simple counterculture.

The kids who were labeled as “Emo” or “Goth” exhibited a self-destructive behavior too extreme for me to relate to. As I said, I felt I stirred up enough ruckus amidst my teenage debauchery what purpose would it serve to up the ante any more than I already had? Now I never lashed out or acted so inappropriate, anyone around me would built a misplaced hatred for no reason so I don’t understand the driving force behind such actions. Therefore I never understood those who embraced the “Jack-ass” culture either. Simply being unhappy with conformity is one thing, but hating the world and everything about it simply because you can’t adjust is just flat out pathetic in my eyes. How sad you can’t even find happiness within your realm of discontent that provides even a smidgen of joy for you. Why hate your family when in the end they’re going to be the only ones who will stick up for you when everyone else turns against you?

There’s always been misunderstood sense of rebellion in the youth, and there always will be. But learning to use what you know to your advantage to re-create your environment is much smarter than merely making enemies with everyone who don’t share your same sentiments of destruction and chaos. The hip-hop/hardcore collective known as Odd Future as built a pretty amazing following and movement in such a short time its only fair to recognize their achievements. However how far does that recognition go to the point it is detrimental to everything many historical artists before them have aimed to achieve? Civil disobedience can serve a purpose, if there is a purpose to be served. However the Ku Klux Klan believed they were achieving a goal in their behavior and many can agree there was no logic behind their reasoning at all.

Uniting an entire generation of misunderstood miserable youths to destroy and breakdown any and every aspect of humility serves what purpose exactly? Not that I am against pushing the envelope of creativity but I do have to ask how far is too far? Let me remind you the content of Odd Future’s music and the overall message they have encompassed is far more dangerous than monumental. Though much of their material may be intended as a jokingly constructed response to censorship similar to Eminem’s early years, I’ll remind you, such ideology creates a very dangerous outcome. There are misguided souls out there who interpret this consistent conditioning as a reason act out there deepest darkest fantasies. Children have a lesser sense of self-control than adults, its just a biological fact, and OFWGKTA’s entire fan-base is made up of children as the majority. Beyond that, if you’re inner most rebellious desires consist of rape and violence in any form then you are troubled psychologically and there’s only so long that fire is fueled before it unleashes uncontrollably. Let us remember live music has an almost mob mentality that drives the entertaining element behind it, and one wrong command to the crowd can lead to a tragic outcome. Such music is used to condition other’s and this specific group is being used as puppets now that the hard part of building a fan-base has already been done. The machine can now go on autopilot as their music will be used to condition an already aggravated sleeping monster. Their fan’s behavior at concerts have already proven this argument and once the fuse is lit, one can only wait for the explosion. I apologize for the lecture but as I said, how far is too far and how far will this movement go before its too late? Their message has been heard loud and clear and it seems to be no more than the mere support of death, destruction, and mayhem... I’m not sure the thirteen year old demographic has the complex cognitive means to deconstruct Odd Future’s message as a mere means of musical self-expression, because as we’ve seen before, give a kid a can of gasoline and a box of matches, and all they need is the word to start a fire...

;)

Just too Sensitive

2011-06-13T13:04:00.005-05:00

The I Give... They Take... Writing Chronicles

I’ve always had a small bout with depression. Not that it’s ever gotten serious enough to be put on medication because I self medicate through recreational use of narcotics. Though its not the healthiest form of dealing with emotional struggles it works for me. I’m not sure exactly what causes such stints but it usually involves women, go figure, lol. I try my hardest not to let people get to me but I can’t help how I feel much of the time. I’m what you call hypersensitive. Which basically means I’m more sensitive to outside stimuli than what you consider average, therefore I get my feelings hurt very easily. I could care less about what people have to say about such a condition because I believe in putting every ounce of energy into my emotion because that is how you build strong relationships in my eyes. Its usually the other party that is at fault for not being sympathetic enough to show understanding for another’s feelings. I used to think it was one of my lesser qualities but as an artist there’s no greater form of self-expression. I wouldn’t be able to create the type of music I do if it wasn’t for my hypersensitivity. It allows me to open myself up and feel deeper about what I write while listening to sounds that encompass how I feel.

I’ll let you in a little secret, that really if you know me personally isn’t much of a secret at all. I just got out of a pretty deep and dark bout of depression. For a good 3 and half months at the start of 2011 I was having a really hard time adjusting to a dramatic changes in my life. Changes within as well as changes around me. Having romantic experiences often enough then losing them is always hard on me. I don’t understand how people can be so dismissive of another’s personal feelings. It’s usually out of selfishness and some need to fill their ego, how they can be so quick to turn their back on you because they got what they wanted and are ready to move on. It’s always boggled my mind how people can be so cruel. I understand men do such things, but since I am a heterosexual male I only personally know of women’s tendencies. It puzzles me even more how women can complain endlessly about their relationships but turn their back and runaway from those of us who are caring, sensitive, compassionate, and honest. It’s some complex that only enables them to be attracted to insensitive, deceitful assholes, and ignore the honest, sincere men right in front of them. I know this because I have been known to be both. There once was a time when I was the nice guy, I did everything to please women in my life, but had my feelings trampled on over and over by their lack of sensitivity. After a small handful of experiences I decided I’d rather be a cold, heartless jerk then to have my feelings hurt every-time I got involved with a woman.

I’ll be honest with you, I don’t like having to resort to being the ladder. My mother always told me I wore my heart on my sleeve, and that I had the biggest heart out of anyone she ever knew. I guess its true. When my friends/family hurt, I hurt. I mean I can physically feel their pain, its so odd. When other’s around me rejoice in happiness, I’m right there with them. You can only imagine how much of a blast I am at weddings. I will elaborate in more detail of such a quality in a later entry but don’t want to stray off topic for now. It’s this hypersensitivity within me that opens the door to emotional expression in my music. Up until a few years ago however I had no way of releasing such frustrations. I kept so much bottled up for so long, I can honestly say music saved my life, as I probably would have gone over the edge had I not found a more productive method of venting. As I continue to write my latest project, “I Give... They Take...” Chapter II I have used recent woes and frustrations to fuel every single lyric. This current project has has an affect on me unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. I can feel myself opening up and releasing everything in a manner that I never knew was possible. I have become immersed with these tracks and I can feel emotional, spiritual, and psychological changes within me occurring as I finish every song. I guess they call that maturity, either way its helping me understand myself as well as increasing my ability to handle situations around me so much easier.

Some people chase their dreams of musical success for various reasons. Some do it for fortune and fame. Some do it to prove a point to doubters over the years, and some do it simply because they don’t want to do anything else. My motivation is a little bit of all the above but beyond that, its because without this I would be lost, empty, and probably a shell of a person. Making music and writing is my purest form of coping with the troubles of the world, both inside and outside. Releasing frustration through excessive alcohol/drug abuse can only last so long before it starts eating you alive so aside from working out on a regular basis to stay physically healthy this maybe my last line of defense against the evil mankind can’t seem to control. I hope one day through sharing my stories, and tales of emotional struggle and pain I can touch others and remind them they are not alone. Some of the greatest minds in music all had this duality within them that made everyday life a little bit more difficult than just a simple day to day job or standard of living. However they wouldn’t have become legends if they couldn’t show us what many are too afraid to see; the battles within us all that are sometimes to much to handle alone.... The I give, they take chronicles continue....

;)

It Never Stops...

2011-06-07T14:39:00.002-05:00

24 hours a day, 7 days a week....

You know I get alot of questions about my music. I get all types of questions like what is it you plan on doing to make money off you’re music? What makes you different from all the other up and coming artists out there? What’s your process like in making music? Etc. Etc. Let me just tell you this, it is a complex and completely unorganized process of thought/emotion provocation, industry analysis, and musical breakdown of various aspects of sound. What that means is, not only do I spend countless hours a day, listening to different music and thinking of new concepts to write lyrics, I also have to do business oriented work in order to figure out what my companies’ next step is to bringing in some sort of income. Making music is time consuming enough, and though its not the toughest task of the job, just as being an athlete, unless you’re an artist, you just won’t be able to do it.

One moment I may get inspiration for a song because of an experience I had over the weekend, meeting the dozens of fresh faces I do regularly; the next moment I’m stuck in a writer’s block and unable to continue the transition of the song I was initially working on. Then a week or two later I may have another experience that is reminiscent of the same song and be able to continue if not finish the song itself. I’ll be quite honest, I have some songs that i began writing several months ago that I have yet to finish. And I’ve finished songs recently that I started writing several months earlier and just now had the motivation to finish and record. There’s no perfect process for it, and every artist will tell you how crazy they go just to find the right tune, or lyric that fits within their construct like a jigsaw puzzle that requires the time and patience to finish.

I hate to make a differentiation between artists and those considered “normal” but there is a very distinct difference. Every artist will tell you, we’re all fucking insane. Our brains and imagination doesn’t limit itself by logical means of thinking or technical methods of schematic problem solving. Our minds are an emotional/psychological roller-coaster of instability and only through our most intense moments are we able to retrieve the tools we need to finish our musical works. Because I’m a lyricist my most focused areas of the music pertains to the content and the pattern in which its written. I use my phone as a digital notepad to write lyrics, hooks, concepts, ideas, etc. I keep it on me at all times and have to e-mail myself the notes in order to prevent them from being lost if I happen to lose my phone, which I’ve been known to do.

Beyond the musical side of things I also spend the “office hours” of my days doing research and studies on the industry as it changes at a rapid pace now more than ever. I receive daily e-mails from ASCAP informing me of changes and trends in not just music but all communications news as it is all relative. I find out about technological changes in the communications world weeks maybe months before you do, if you get your news from the usual mainstream outlets of media. It keeps me somewhat ahead of the curve as an artist and businessman. The time spent doing these such activities gives me more ideas to find ways to bring in enough income to support myself so I can stop being one of those musicians who still has to keep a part-time job to pay the bills. Every artist’s dream is to support themselves through their music, so they can spend all their spare time working on music and only music. Having to deal with a part-time job for even 25 hours a week takes away so much valuable time that could be use organizing musical works and finishing projects to be recorded, as well as time to prep booking for the next event. Booking and promoting as a whole other aspect of the job that is just as important but once again, because of time constraints becomes more of a hassle than it would seem. With all that is involve in building a successful music recording career, there is a reason labels both major and independent have a complete staff with numerous levels of employment each with important duties. This is the main reason why signing a record contract is still every artist’s overall goal, although in the new and improved business model, the opportunity to live well from staying independent is becoming more popular and idealistically achievable.

As I continue into the next phase of my career I try not to become discouraged any longer by comparing my current state of being to where I was last year, which I have to say is several steps further into maintaining a stable position as an artist. Make no mistake, this life isn’t easy, that’s why those of us who choose it have an advantage over the normal, day-to-dayers of the nine-to-five life. We have the courage and will to do the unthinkable by venturing into the unexpected, because there is no 401K for us, nor stock options and health insurance. Just the hopes of making an impact, leaving a life-long mark way past our years alive and becoming legends of our kind... That’s what true artistry is all about...

;)

I Give... They Take... Writing Chronicles

2011-05-30T02:53:00.002-05:00

Prologue

You know what the coolest and craziest part of being a recording artist/musician is the process of living one experiences in going through various moments of life. People forget to understand the world we live in is extremely different than “normal” and the process in which it takes place is very real. We live crazy lives, plain and simple. We have an unhinged sense of wanderlust that drives our motivation. Its the primary factor in making music. Seven days in our world is a world of difference, not just a ongoing mundane repetition of work and schedules. My entire writing process shifts day to day as I experience the world through a sensibility most fail to understand, and many question. Let me be the first to say, I’m not perfect. I have faults, guilts, and insecurities like everyone, only difference is I can make a life and be successful expressing those imperfections creatively. It is who I am. My life is crazy enough I can write hundreds of stories and probably infinite lyrics about it, and others will pay to hear. Sounds a bit egomaniacal I know but it is true. Only because I’m not afraid to hold back from my obsession of pleasure and entertainment. We all have to battle our demons in our own way and mine is through sleepless nights surrounding the moon cycle then telling the story of what you don’t see that exists after you tuck your children into bed and set your 6:00 am alarm clock.

The world that transpires after you turn off your prime-time television is not just movies, and T.V shows, its a reality. Think of the godless things that take place in different parts of the world every single night, some of us are fortunate enough to avoid the worst instances but we still catch wind of it from time to time. I fall in and out of love in a matter of days, that takes most months, or even years. And you can argue my desires are a product of lust but love is there, trust me, I just express it better than most. And leave even more intense impressions on my counterparts. Every weekend is a little more interesting and when I feel I’m reaching a stalling point in my writing/music I have to go escape in to my world to remind myself why exactly I behave so erratically with unexpected consequences. And I will tell you this, all your quiet movie nights, can’t be shared with every new person you meet, those nights for me are timeless. Creating memories is how I paint pictures with my words. Because if you choose to ignore it, which so many do, people like myself have to remind you that no matter how bad you wanna block it, it doesn’t go away. We live it, because most are too scared to even witness it much, less partake.

Now this isn’t mean to put myself on a pedestal at all. It’s merely explaining to those who may not know me well on a personal level, that trust me I do this to share with you the truth of what goes on behind closed doors. That way if you can’t live it, but have always wanted to, I’ll let ya know both the good and the bad that lies behind the curtains. And your children should really know what’s going on, and not just be spoon-fed the nonsense thats in most your average kid’s Ipods. They should know what they may or may not wanna avoid, that’s why they hold rockstars as idols, its a very attractive lifestyle trust me, I’m glad I’ll see it before I’ll ever see a nine to five. It’s already started in a sense. Every song I’ve written came from personal experience and analysis, so those emotions expressed are real as can be. As I continue this process finishing up the second half of my newest project, I Give... They Take.... Chapter II I would first like to say what happens in my career from this moment forward will be most definitely worth being apart of. That’s why I write blogs, so you can see the process of understanding what spills out of my brain as it occurs. I began writing a few of these songs a couple months ago and the rest of the songs I am writing as we speak. The experiences I’ve had within that time gave me proper material to finish as I experience more memories that will fuel chapter three. When you hear the records as I finish it, which I’m guessing shouldn’t take more than two months, you’ll be able to understand where that motivation came from. Since the release of my first official mix-tape two months ago, I’ve already gained momentum to keep that feeling fresh in the second one. Now as I’ve already stated, What happens from here on out, will be an incredible experience for all of us, me as the artist, you hopefully as the fan. Because I have at least four good chapters of writing material to record within the course of the year, things are about to get out of control.

I can only wish for the best and prepare for the worst, because once that spiral begins to spin there’s no end to the tangled web we weave. Yeah i made that up just now, ya like? lol. Seriously though, the process that creates the music I make is very real, and it at times can be scary. But I wouldn’t have already achieved success if I was scared to take risks and embrace the unexpected. Trust me you have to be out of your damn mind to actually want to know what its like from the inside.... The tragedies and the rewards usually balance each other out if I do say so myself. Gotta be willing to take the hits. Goodnight, it is 2:47 a.m Sunday evening. By the time you wake up, I’ll just have gone to sleep. And when I open my eyes I don’t have to just do the “same old shit.”

;)

Purpose and Reason (Part 4 of 4)

2011-05-24T15:42:00.002-05:00

The power of your I's - Good Vs. Evil...

An instinct is an innate, typically fixed pattern of behavior in animals in response to certain stimuli. It can also be defined as a natural or intuitive way of thinking. Intelligence is described as an ability to acquire knowledge and skills. Insight is considered the capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or thing. All these definitions use a similar means of intuition to build their strengths as characteristics. Intuition is the ability to understand something immediately, with out the need for conscious reasoning. And in order to enable all of those characteristics to the fullest potential you have to have imagination, which is the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images and/or concepts of external objects not present to the senses.

See most people believe their physical senses are their only means of perception in this world. Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching are only external pathways we have to the outside world. Our inner complexity that lies within the human brain are thousands if not millions of times more powerful than those sense could ever be. It has been proven and almost widely accepted that at our current state of consciousness humans can only use ten percent of their whole brain. It has been theorized that if we were capable of using one hundred percent of our brain we wouldn’t even need bodies because our energy would be too strong to be contained within a human form.

Statistics taken in most public school systems in America have classified majority of students to be considered as right or left brain dominance. Being right or left brain dominant allows you to have more control over concepts or skills that require uses of either hemispheres of the brain. For instance, the left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for language skills, skilled movement, and analytical time sequence processing. So left-brained people are usually those more skilled in english, history, government, and sports. Right Brainers are more likely to be skilled in geometric properties, music, reading/intuition, poetry, and art. Not every case is exactly the same of course but the studies have their evidence. Now there are also whole brained people, which are a small percentage of the population but these blessed individuals are skilled in almost all forms of academics and arts. In order to be good at mathematical concepts and equations and drawing/poetry requires alot of internal brain function to achieve. Yeah, I’ve been tested more times than I can count and I was lucky enough to be in the small population of whole-brainers as well as left handed.

These reasons above are why I’ve always been able to grasp such concepts that enable me to have stronger than average I-function. Its this method of perception that allows me to read and sense vibrations of others so well, that I could break down people’s entire personalities in minutes. I was so great in psychology I didn’t even have to read or study to make decent grades, I soaked in the knowledge as the professor spewed it to us. I’ve boggled the minds of so many with my descriptive analysis of their behavior just from knowing them a couple of hours or so. I used to want to do it as a car now I do it for fun or to size up potential danger that’s in my surroundings. Now that I am a recording music artist these are the most extremely useful tools one can ever have. Because in this industry is the most visible form of human duality than I could ever see possible in any other. In this industry there is a physical/psychological presence of Good and Evil.

Good and Evil are the oldest concepts of nature known to mankind. They are the precursors to explain the stories written in the bible, koran, torah, and any other theological method of study. They are not only real but are capable of controlling and or helping man achieve their greatest desires and failures. One has the subconscious equipment already embedded in birth of what is good or evil. We sense good and evil so easily even as infants we don’t even need communication. Its their vibration we sense, that’s why babies cry all the time around specific individuals, because of their natural sense of danger from that person’s vibrations. Our aura’s are the most psychic element the human spirit has ever been capable of projecting. Its our psychic sense, third eye, sixth sense, etc. that enables us to feel deeper than seeing and hearing will ever achieve. Allowing merely phsycial senses to perceive the world around you is not only naive, ignorant, and foolish, its dangerous. Think of the amount of lives that could have been saved from car accidents, disasters, murders, etc. if humans would learned to have use their I’s to perceive threats around them. If you notice the signs of nature around you, disasters should be easier to forecast. If you listen to your inner sense of the need for safety, dangerous surroundings should be avoided. Those uneasy feelings, and unsure notions you get from your gut are there for a reason. You can call it nature, instinct, god, or the universe, it doesn’t matter the verbal description, it serves a purpose.

Every part of this blog series completes a full spiral effect of understanding within the concepts I have tried to describe with detail and articulation, even a reader with the simplest capacity for learning can grasp. It’s these reasons for the purpose I have been given to serve and a destiny to fulfill. Using the tools around me I gain as much knowledge as possible to analyze a reason for everything and how. With the gifts the universe gave me I hope to teach others how to do the same and together we can change this world. Its ridiculous to think its hopeless because we have the power in numbers and always have. It takes one choice, just a single choice over fear with love. Learn to love, doesn’t matter who, or what, where, when, or why... As long as you love. If you can learn to do that, the first step is the hardest, from then on, the path is laid out for you. All you have to do is walk it. I thank you for your time and patience... I hope I was able to teach you something about myself by telling you about me. Stay connected my friend. We have much work to do. There’s much much more we have to learn, and teach one another... I believe in you, do you?

;)

Purpose and Reason (Part 3 of 4)

2011-05-15T17:27:00.003-05:00

Rhythm, Words, & Rhymes

We perceive much of our world through the third dimensional plane. There are various levels of perception in our world that are difficult for most if not all humans to perceive. DIfferent animals for instance such as dogs, bats, snakes, cats, and birds can sense vibrational frequencies that humans can’t. Vibrational frequencies are periodic motions in molecular vibration that make up much of the world around us. The concept is simple, and that is all living things are made up of energy. Since your true essence is energy, your energy field makes up the essence of who you are. Therefore all things that alter your energy field become very important to identify for they can help create your reality. Energy is the way you interface with the Universe around you and therefore it is the way in which you create. The vibrational shift that comes with emotional exchange is energy that can be felt on a physical level, hence the word “vibes.” Good and bad vibes are all around us radiating between one another as we engage in every day activity. If you have ever walked into a room of strangers and felt bad vibes from someone its probably because you were reading their bad energy, as your intuitive psychic instinct activates when you’re forced to become aware.

Vibrations have an extremely important influence on humanistic behavior. There are various levels of vibration that have different effects on the human psyche. Music is one of the most important concentration of various vibrations that have an effect on us physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Drum patterns, guitar strings, piano keys, horns, vocals, as well as many other instruments have a tantalizing effect on our mood and feelings as well as train of thought. It has been proven, playing classical music when reading stimulates brain activity. This is because the vibration from the instruments in the music along with your brain’s neurological activity during reading increases conscious awareness. Different tones and tempos can alter mood almost instantaneously. This why fast paced rhythms make you want to dance, slow melodies can make you feel sad or contemplative. If you listen to the various patterns of sound in love songs or rock music you’ll notice the variations and how they effect people on similar levels.

Its understanding these concepts that motivate me to use the talents and tools I’ve been given to influence my listeners on a positive level. Because, just as there are sounds that positively influence us, there are rhythms and sounds that impact us on a negative level. Much of today’s mainstream radio, pop, and club music are laced with low vibrational tones that increase levels of negative emotion such as anger, rage, lust, tension and hopelessness. By combining the lower level vibration with mixed messages of promiscuity and disconnection from one other in the lyrics, people are being predictively programmed to behave accordingly. When the same 808 drum patterns are repeated with the chanting in popular music hooks the human brain just as a computer responds from the commands given. If you’ve ever had a song you disliked stuck in your head just from listening to the first 30 seconds on the radio, you’ve experienced this subconsciously.

The smooth rhythmic sounds in traditional classic hip-hop break beats and live drum kicks are not only easier on the ear but stimulate brainwave activity in order to comprehend the complex rhymes in good hip-hop music. Good hip-hop music and raps have positive messages of unity, love, compassion, empowerment and social change. By using cleverly constructed rhyme patterns and word association, rappers have the ability to increase social, spiritual, and psychological awareness in the listener. When I write I first listen to the rhythm of the beat playing, I find the right words to describe how the sounds make me feel, then I construct a rhyme pattern that is consistent enough to keep the listener not only entertained but stimulated. Much of the response to my music is similar, in they usually say “I like your music because you make me think, about real life, issues and subject I can relate to.” That is exactly my aim of achievement with my music and I will only learn to better my craft by becoming a more aware artist and activist in social change. The current events and worldwide news I study daily give me not only material but motivation to keep those informed who deserve to be empowered through knowledge and understanding. This is more than entertainment for me, it is an educational opportunity to reach the masses on a larger scale in hopes that we can take back the liberty and rights those in power have worked so hard to strip away from us all these years. I have always used my I’s to see beyond the lies and deceit our current government and societal system has used to blind us of the truth. Notice I said I’s and not eyes... Because I use five I’s as daily receptors to the world around me. My I’s consist of instinct, intelligence, insight, intuition and imagination. That is how I learn what I need to do to overcome our internal and external battle every day of good vs. evil. To be concluded...

;)

Purpose and Reason (Part 2 of 4)

2011-05-10T15:15:00.000-05:00

Knowledge is Power...

Power is mainly used as a noun. The definitions for power is as follows: The ability to do something or act in a particular way, esp. as a faculty or quality. Its also defined as the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or course of events. One of the most important conditions of our societies functions relies on the balance of power. However once you understand and study our society and previous societies that came before, you realize there is no balance of power. Such understanding can lead to hopelessness if you let it do so. Power is the most desired aspect in which those in control lust for the most. Some think the aggregation of wealth is more important to the elite forces of the world as we know it. That, however is as misleading as the idea of wealth in itself. Its power that is the most important part of being in control, because with power comes other elements of influence such as fear.

The power those in control have over the masses however is a mere illusion. Its like a puppet master using thin almost invisible strings to maneuver opinion and action without those watching seeing who is behind the curtains. What most fail to realize is that we give power to those who are in charge of our laws and framework of government. We also give buying power to the corporations that have hijacked the government that was supposed to be for and by the people. We give them their power and just as easily as we gave them power, we have the ability to take it away. Its a matter of simply understanding how these institutions work and learning how to use them for us instead of vise versa. But in order to do this it takes one initial step before you can go any further to take action, and that’s through knowledge.

Knowledge are facts and information acquired by a person through experience or education; a theoretical or practical understanding of a subject. It can also be defined as the awareness or familiarity gained by experience of a fact or situation. Some believe merely taking a class or achieving scholastic education in general gives one knowledge. That in itself is another illusion. You can earn as many degrees as you want and never know a damn thing if your not comprehending the skills being taught to you in means that serve more purpose than occupational achievement. Yes education does provide the resources to attain vast amounts of knowledge but it is widely overlooked by students and misused by the educators. Its through truly learning the depths of consciousness in which one gains true knowledge. Its knowing how things work that give you an advantage. To understand systematic implementation being used to control the masses you must first understand the system itself. And that is a process which most spend a life-time doing and rarely achieving. This is why one of my most used phrases is “Knowledge is Power...” Because it truly is.

I spend everyday building knowledge because it empowers me to do what I do that much more efficiently. I write and create music to influence others in a positive manner, because those are the gifts I was blessed to be given, and to waste that would be a tragedy. Its by studying various subjects such as philosophy, psychology, sociology, metaphysical studies, political science, world history, sociology and physics I build my knowledge which in turn provides me with the power to understand the world and us a species. Through building such knowledge, its easier to grasp the reason why and how the idea of cause and effect lead to various situations, both good and bad. That in itself has the power to change the world for the better. In these trying times it is extremely important to give the power back to the people because by using such power we can help one another benefit as a whole. Thats the true power within the human spirit, not control and manipulation as those currently in power have thrived off of. And its with that power as the famous quote says, comes great responsibility. Thats why its important to understand how to use power for good or evil. Its this reason I use the power of rhythm words and rhyme to be the topic of part III of this series of blog topics.... To be Continued...

Purpose and Reason (Part 1 of 4)

2011-05-03T10:58:00.000-05:00

Purpose & Reason (Part 1 of 4)

There’s a purpose and a reason for all of us, we just have to see it first. I know there’s alot of people in this world who don’t believe we all have a purpose, or that there’s a reason to any of this... But I’m not one of them. I believe the opposite. I see life as a mixture of both chance and fate, and its up to you to recognize and differentiate why some things happen. If you read the signs, they are always around you. However, if you fail to do so and ignore the environment that surrounds you, then consequences are inevitable and though we don’t want to believe it, sometimes we get what we deserve. This Entry is an in-depth perspective into my world as I perceive it, through my eyes. And whether you know me personally or don’t, it doesn’t matter because it is who I have always been, and if you ever choose to become apart of my life, this is who you will have chosen to know.

I’ll start with explaining things as simple as possible, by using definition. I am a wordsmith. Words and communication are my gifts therefore I feel the need to help others understand my concepts by offering my gifts. The title of these series of entries is appropriate as you’ll learn to realize. The Definition of purpose is - the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. My purpose in life is to gain an understanding of the world from an objective observation then provide a subjective point of view in order to influence those around me for the better of us as a species. That’s what species are supposed to do, provide strength and power in order to further their survival. I was given many gifts in which I’m grateful for. My talents and intellect give me an advantage to survive and hopefully help my fellow Man to survive as well. I believe this is my purpose for living, therefore I live everyday in accordance to fulfilling this purpose.

The definition for reason as a noun is the following: a cause or explanation or justification for an action or event. Since the second word is present in the first one’s meaning its only right they both be topic of the first part of this entry. Why do I feel this is my life’s purpose is because so few are robbed of understanding their purpose. There are so many lies and so much deceit in this world we have lost sight of who we are and what this all is. Its because of such a dilemma that is the reason for my life’s work. The reason I choose to read, write, record, perform and speak to others who may or may not know me is because so many others won’t. There are so many who are afraid of this world. So many people are afraid of backlash, scrutiny, ridicule, and condemnation that they would rather remain silent than speak. For every group of people that are afraid there is one of us who don’t allow fear to prevent them from being and doing what they want in life. That’s where people like myself come in. Those of us who follow our dreams because to us, reality isn’t enough, and in the process we try to take you with us in order to inspire. I hope through my words you can one day learn what it feels like to truly be free from fear. Chase after every desire your heart tells you, because without that freedom, you are simply a prisoner. Without such a feeling you are trapped in a state of mediocrity with almost no hope for escape.

I see emptiness around me everyday. I see empty faces and lost souls everywhere I go. They look deprived of spirit and love. They look consumed with jealousy, mistrust, betrayal, and loneliness. Seeing such unhappiness around me is frustrating and eventually leads to an inner sadness which is hard to ever explain to anyone who can’t see the depths of human spirit as I can. Now mind you, I’m no stranger to any of this. Remember such concepts aren’t something one can automatically be born with the ability to manifest, it takes time. I’ve had to go through several emotional and psychological difficulties in order to understand what it takes to free myself from the negative vibrations that radiate throughout the cruel world that surrounds us. But its a choice we eventually have to make. It is the story of my life that I tell within the lyrics of my music and the subjects of my blog entries that are the cause of the path I have chosen. A path once I chose, I refuse to stray away from, because I refuse to dwell in the perils of hopelessness and mediocrity. Now how is one capable of achieving such an awareness? Well that’s why I’m separating this particular subject into several parts. Because the follow up to this entry will explain what it takes to use the tools and resources around you in order to build a conscious awareness strong enough to allow you to achieve the fullest potential possible.... Through knowledge and power.

The Story of the Under-Dog...

2011-04-23T20:43:00.002-05:00

I just finished watching Slumdog Millionaire... I’ve seen this movie dozens of times but I can’t help but watch it every time it comes on. Def one of the best movies of 2008. Every part of the movie is good, but the end is just so awesome, as it leaves the viewer with a sense of hope that can only be captured in such a tale. The song playing when Jamal and Latika are finally re-united after he wins the famous game show is “Dreams of Fire” by A.R. Rahman with Suzanne on the vocals. A.R. Rahman did the soundtrack/score for the entire movie. Though the song isn’t terrible I enjoy the instrumental more than the female’s vocals, only cuz the sounds on the production are so smooth, and her voice sort of drowns out the music. I can’t seem to find an instrumental version, so I look forward to that scene every time I watch the movie because aside from the harmonies there aren't any of her vocals playing.

The reason I love this movie so much is because it is almost the ultimate underdog story, which who doesn’t love those right? I have always been sort of attached to underdogs because well, lets be honest, I have always been the underdog. Growing up I wasn’t the tallest, nor was I the fastest runner, and though I wasn’t the best athlete I did have a passion for basketball. I think I loved the direct one on one competitiveness between the defender and the player on offense. There’s really no other sport that allows you to completely humiliate your opponent on an almost personal level. I used to shock the shit out of other kids on the court just because I was so keen in my ball handling I always surprised opponents with my moves. I wasn’t the captain of any team in high school and didn’t even really play past sophmore year, but I didn't need it to attain popularity. I'll always have love for all my homies who played sports in high school, they were my comrades in partying! I have always been underestimated however. Because of my size and overall appearance I guess I’m not necessarily a threatening physical presence. I’ve had to fight for every bit of credibility and respect I’ve ever gotten, and worked extra hard on my "game" to gain attention by females, though I’m pretty sure all those I’ve touched in my life have enjoyed their experience in knowing me. They always gave me familiar feedback for why they loved me, "because I'm so real, and that's so rare..." Those were my friends' usual words to describe my best quality. And for all the love and memories I've always had, I'm very thankful.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say I love a good challenge. Testing my ability to overcome intense obstacles has somewhat become my forte. If you know me at all you know that my story is compelling enough to deserve to be told. My business partner in G3M has actually said those exact words to my videographer who is filming my Rapumentary over the course of the year. See movies like Slumdog millionaire, Rudy, Gladiator, Braveheart, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Goodwill Hunting and countless others are close to my heart. They move me in a way no other film can, because I feel they are directly speaking to me. Reminding me, that no matter what you go through, don’t ever give up in chasing your dreams and accomplishing your goals. If I ever gave up, I’d just assume more or less to just die because that’s what it would feel like if I couldn’t pursue my dreams. If you listen to many of the lyrics in my music you’ll definitely see how much passion I have for my craft and how strong I feel about my beliefs. I write songs about hope, passion, love, triumph, anything to inspire the listener because I believe that’s why I was given these gifts. The gift of speech and poetry was given to me because I was chosen to be the messenger of the world you perceive to be real that really isn’t. I have a duty as an artist to open people’s hearts and minds to a greater existence than we see in front of us.

My life is about more than money and material. I don’t have anything against having money at all, but its the matter of how you make it that I will focus on. If your job consists of taking advantage of others and using manipulation and deceit to make your living then sorry, we’ll never be friends. And not only that you’ll be the topic of any aim I choose to stand up and fight. Being bad is easy, I know all about it, trust me. It’s much more difficult to be good and do what’s right than to be apathetic and commit acts of selfishness and depravity. I see it all around me everyday in it hurts in a manner I’ll never expect you to understand. All I can say is watch movies like Green Mile, Phenomenon, or Powder, and you’ll possibly be able to understand me... I identified with the main characters of all those films because I’m like them. The life I believe in has nothing to do with a high paying salary, or elite social status. It has to do with an idea that beyond all of this, there’s something out there more beautiful than any luxury car or piece of flashy jewelry. That’s the key to life... Is to find what’s beautiful and enjoy every moment of it while you have it, because one day you’re here, the next day you’re gone... ;)

P.S. there were more than enough quotes in that post to give u a month’s worth of fortune cookies lol... Use my words to motivate you... We all need a little bit of that from time to time...

OFFICIAL MattGMuzik.com website coming 5/5/2011

2011-04-11T22:33:00.002-05:00

Yup... Been a while again... Like over a month this time, wow... Fuck, time goes by so fast. It makes me wonder during all the years time felt like it was going too slow, how one transitions to watching it just fly by. A month back in grade-school felt like a lifetime, only because you’re told what to do and how to live your entire childhood, that you just can’t wait for it to end so you can make your own decisions. Maybe if we spent more time educating children and judging their development on a case by case basis we could allow them to begin making their own decisions earlier in life and make growing up phases of maturity, instead of generalized chronological rights of passage.

Been quite busy lately. My debut mixtape has now been live available for fee download for a shade over a month and has so far been well received on a fairly decent scale... Hopefully I’ll continue to gain more traffic and popularity as I increase my networking via my official website... Yes that’s right, after months, almost a couple years worth of planning, we are now due for a May 5th Cinco De Mayo launch date.

MattGMuzik.com will be a full functioning user friendly website complete with all the bells and whistles, one would want from an entertainer's official site. All my music/media will be available to stream and possibly download (If its not a commercial purchase). I’ll have merchandise available for purchase, links to my favorite sites, official blog, various fun MattGMuzik additives such as poetry, lyric sheets, and a separate music player of MY OFFICIAL PLAYLIST, that I update on a weekly basis of what I listen to for musical inspiration... I believe sharing the various types of music I love with my fans is important to helping them understand who I am deep down, and how the entire creative process works. I’ll also have an ongoing YouTube rapumentary documenting my journey in climbing the ladder of the music world to hopefully become a worldwide recognized name and brand. As I update my date on a daily basis, you can follow me on my journey and share with all your friends, what it takes to actually succeed in the entertainment world.

You’ll get updates for live shows, new G3M (My music label) news, interesting events I make myself apart of, and I’ll even write album reviews of new releases that hit the web/record shelves. I’ll also link news articles I find interesting and informative that’ll help you understand why I write the lyrics I do, and where my subject matter comes from... Yes I’m giving you an inside look of my world, if you care to become a loyal fan of my brand, then I’m excited to have you on board... If you could care less, that’s fine, you’re missing out on an amazing experience in itself.

Yes, yes, its just getting started, and let me tell you, I’ve been waiting far too long for this opportunity as well as what opportunities lie ahead for myself as I show you first hand, what it really takes to make all your dreams come true... Or at least my dreams lol... People will try to strip you away from your wishes and dreams if they can’t have a piece of it, and my story is one hopefully everyone can learn from... Because not letting others take away what you rightfully deserve is what my music/writing is all about... I see the world from an outsiders point of view while being trapped on the inside.... That’s why I don’t familiarize myself with average human concepts, rationalizations, and ideologies, because majority of what I see makes no sense whatsoever to me from the point of view its usually presented.... Join me and break free from those chains that have kept you captive from opening yourself up to experiences, and a consciousness that makes anything possible.... Because it doesn’t matter what you believe, if you don’t know what it means to truthfully and spiritually interpret how you feel...

Cinco De Mayo, 2011... Be apart of the experience, and prepare for the release of my first commercial album, “The Flowetry EP” due to be released for sale digitally shortly after launch-day for MattGMuzik.com.

This is only the beginning... The view from here is gonna so much better from this point on...

;)

"I Give... They Take" Chapter I (Revised, Remixed, Rewritten)

2011-03-08T17:51:00.002-06:00

Okay I have two really good entries I plan on writing over the next few days but considering the occasion of today’s date I’ll have to write this one first. Today is March 8th 2011. It not only marks the date of my debut mixtape release but is also exactly 8 days from my next birthday. I would say how old I’m turning but if you don’t know that already, then I’m not going to be the one to fill you in, cuz it doesn't mater. What does matter is what has happen in the past however many years I’ve been alive and more so what I’ve done since my last birthday.

Life is crazy, sometimes... I don’t have to tell you that, I’m sure you already know. But no matter how you expect things to work out or how you want things to work you, there’s one definite understanding and that’s how things never happen exactly how you want. Matter of fact, lots of the time they happen in the exact opposite, and somehow it ends up being even better than you previously expected. You know I started writing records a little over four years ago... I’ve tried to write lyrics my whole life but when it came to rap I was better at free-styling and always got discouraged when I attempted to pen my verses. Four years ago after going through several life changing experiences I finally took to lyricism and decided I was going to chase something I never thought would be possible. One I recorded my first demo and got my first live gig I was completely overwhelmed with the feeling writing, re-cording, and performing gave me.

After a short amount of time I was convinced I was going to blow up and become a huge mega hip-hop star accompanied with fame and fortune. Its funny how you get a brief glimpse of limelight and just think you’re the next big thing. Truthfully there’s thousands like you all over the country if not the world, who are in the exact same situation you are in. I expected to be a huge rap star by now, honestly. But as I’ve already stated, nothing ever happens how you expect. I had to put in work and learn how to be humble before I could even think of fame and fortune. I had to understand how much time and effort goes into this craft. After posting dozens of songs online via Myspace, in 2009 I finally recorded what was to be considered my first organized project in a mix-tape I released for free download entitled “I Give... They Take...” Chapter I. I expected this mixtape to be followed by several sequels including three more chapters I’d release within only weeks of the first. I took the Charles Hamilton approach and figured if I released mass amounts of music I’d build a buzz and be noticed by major music labels and managers. Of course it didn’t happen as I thought it would, matter of fact it didn’t happen at all.

Less than 6 months after my first mixtape was available for free download on Myspace and bandcamp I went through a transition period. I stopped receiving offerings for booking, I had dropped off the face of the local scene somehow and suddenly had thoughts of quitting music completely and finding an alternative future. I went through a depression, which I’ve gone through several in my life, but once again I was having thoughts of failure and embarrassment. From October of 2009 till about February of 2010 I stopped writing almost completely and quit going to the studio to record. My plan of multiple mix-tape releases to launch my career had diminished and my drive as an artist had depleted. Then came out of nowhere, an inspiration unlike any other. After hearing B.O.B.’s Airplanes featuring Haylee Williams I felt a wave of motivation come over me I had never felt before. I erased and re-wrote almost every record in my lyrics folder on my Mac HD and become obsessed with refining and fine-tuning everything about my sound. I changed my flow, my rhythm, my melody, my vocal presentation, everything I was as an artist and I crafted it, molded it, refined it to a tee. I recorded my own re-mix of Airplanes, which I appropriately called “Airplanes 1 1/2” and felt new life for the first time in almost a year. That re-mix still has almost 70,000 plays on myspace which I’m pretty sure is more than almost any other artist for a single song in Austin, Tx. Since I now had this breath of new life, I decided to re-create the same concepts of the songs in the original IGTT mixtape, and start somewhat fresh.

After several months of writing and re-writing, recording and re-recording out came what I consider my TRUE debut mixtape. This recent release is a milestone for me in my music career and in my life. This project means more than just hip-hop music to me, as it is the result of what you can achieve when you’re back is against the wall and you have almost nowhere else to turn for escape. When you look your opposition directly in the eye and you say, “No matter what happens, fuck you... I’m not going anywhere, I’m staying right here, and doing what I came to do.” Who cares what happens, or how others view you, because there’s a fire inside you that can’t ever burn out. There’s a life inside of you that nobody else can strip away, and regardless of the future that lies ahead for you, you’re gonna stand strong, smile, and laugh in doubters faces.... Because they’ll never know what its like to believe in you... if they don’t even know how to believe in themselves....

Without any further ado, I present to you, “I Give... They Take...” Chapter I (Revised, Remixed, Rewritten)

Available for FREE DOWNLOAD @ http://mgmuzik.bandcamp.com/album/i-give-they-take-chapter-i-revised-re-mixed-re-written

;)

What it Means 2 Know...

2011-03-02T12:00:00.002-06:00

I can’t explain how important knowledge and wisdom are to me. The three most important facets of my life I hold dear to my heart are truth, freedom, and love. Knowledge and wisdom are both facets of truth to me. Because what good is having knowledge and wisdom if its based on lies and deceit. It amazes me how naive and ignorant people can be. They believe almost anything they hear and if more than one of their peers repeats or validates a previous bit of information than arguing against their misconstrued opinion becomes so difficult it almost serves no purpose... Key word being almost.

I don’t understand how people can go through life without being curious of knowing who they really are? Why they are here? What is the meaning of all this? And where do we go from here? In order to understand all those questions one has to search for those answers, because that’s the only way they're ever going to find them. Its incredible how easily fooled most can be simply because a voice of unreason is convincing. It seems since the dawn of existence, people have been easily swayed by propaganda simply because a single individual has a way with words when given the podium. That’s what makes ideas and words so critical, is its power over the masses. Madmen like Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, and Bush have encouraged masses to follow their corrupt methods of leadership. And yes I have listed those names because, what TRULY occurred during these men’s stay as respected leaders of their countries was sheer insanity.

Its not just leaders however that influence peoples opinions and perceptions of truth, but it is also literature and press that helped shaped societies. These have just as much an impact if not more on people’s thought processes and understandings of their history and future. To know what lies on your future you first have to know what happened in your past. And when I say your, I mean your entire cultural background including but not limited to ethnicity and descendants’ history, not just you. That being said the only way to find such info is to extensively and continuously research LIFE everyday, both perceptually and literally. I read and consume journal entries, news reports/articles, books, documentaries, films, lectures, radio interviews, every bit of info I can get my hands on to build my advantage over those stronger than me, because knowledge is power. Knowing is all the difference and the more you know the more you will achieve based on that knowledge.

If you’re going to attempt to argue a point you better have reasonable evidence, data and resources to back up that argument because in a formal debate if you lack those, then you’re in trouble. If you ever feel the need to poke a hole in another person’s reasoning or assessment, then you better have enough expertise on the subject to completely obliterate their subjectivity. I won’t attempt to know more about engineering or mechanics because I’m not a mechanical person. Mechanics along with science, are two of my weakest fields of knowledge. That being said, I’ll gladly state my strongest fields of knowledge.

I have spent an entire lifetime learning WHY? I’ll spend the rest of my lifetime until I have moved on to another state of being learning Why? What research do I do in order to answer such a curiosity? I indulge myself with the various forms of the above mentioned resources in the subjects of: psychology, philosophy, world history, world literature, american history, social science, political science, physics, metaphysics, theology, and economics. Any type of engaging read of non-fiction quenches every bit of thirst I have for knowing. I can’t stand misconceptions of truth simply because one wasn’t taught how to properly educate one’s own mind. Don’t speak to me of religion and history if all you know is what you’re parents told you, what your school teachers taught you, and news from mainstream media.

There are secret truths of the past as we know it that is left all out of all forms of mainstream institutions of learning. If you don’t understand that, you’ll forever be blind to knowing what really is, because you never knew what really was. There’s a reason you always have questions when hearing a news report or a scholastic lesson, its because they never actually told you anything. They left if up to you because they can’t teach you how to follow intuition, instinct, intelligence, or insight. They can only tell you where to find it. And unfortunately many times they’ll tell you the wrong places to look. Its up to you to know how to use intuition in order to decipher what’s real and what isn’t. Just because American history tells you certain figures were admired and adored as heroes, doesn’t mean they really were. “History books are written by men who have hanged heroes.” That is one of my favorite quotes from the movie Braveheart. Before you think to know what is and what isn’t, learn what was. Its not only important for you, its important for those you love, Because you’ll never know where your going unless you know where you came from...

Tears of a Clown...

2011-03-01T16:11:00.001-06:00

I don’t know how many times I've had to say this but I somehow find myself in confusion always pondering whys? and hows? But I just don’t understand people... I mean really, wtf is wrong with people in this world? Is it so hard to understand the emotional/psychological connection we each have with one another on a conscious and subconscious level alike? Let me ask you something... What in life is important to you? I know first you’re probably gonna say God and my family... But if that’s the case, which both are fine instances of examples for answers but that’s not what that questions intels if its myself asking you personally...

When I say what in life is important to you I mean what elements of life and human nature do you find important to understand when going through the trying times of daily life? Is it social status? financial gain? political power? personal/professional respect? religious affiliations? philosophies? What is it that drives and motivates you to interact with those around you? Wanna know what drives me? Fine... Its respect, truth, freedom, wisdom, honor, love, ambition, character, desire, will, as well as several other meaningful aspects of human nature. That’s what it takes to be HUMAN... That’s what it takes to understand how to feel and understand other beings around you in order to build what’s really important in life, relationships and experiences. So you’re driving goal in life is becoming rich and successful huh? Well how nice for you.... But all that can be taken away from you in a single instance. A single action of irresponsibility, naivety, ignorance, selfishness, and greed can easily strip all that away from you.

People sadden me... They really do. They think of nothing but themselves almost 90% of the time and of the remaining 10% though they think of others they never want to admit it, in fear of the consequences that come with caring for other people. I try so hard sometimes to not let little things get to me, but I can’t help but feel the way I do... I am a very passionate person and I get everything I can out of life. Including relishing in all the amazing opportunities I’ve had with all the different people over the years. I sometimes wonder about various people who have come in and out of my life and think about them... How they are doing? What they’re life is like today? Did I have any effect on them whatsoever? Do they ever wonder about me and what I got going on? Would they recognize me and speak to me if they saw me randomly anywhere today? These questions always race through my thoughts especially when writing lyrics. I don’t know why such thoughts are always on my mind but they are.

Here’s a bit of inside info you may or may not know about me, but I am extremely sensitive... No lie.... Every little thing affects me in extreme ways both good and bad. The smallest jokingly made insult can bring me down, and the slightest inkling of praise or compliment can make my day. People just don’t understand how important words and communication are amongst one another. A little goes a long way, trust me. Perfect example in case... If you’re reading this blog right now and not only are interested but have been for a while then a simple message to me in an e-mail or FB message would make my day. You would make me the happiest person in the world by just saying hey man, I love your writing and your music... I read/listen all the time and I just wanna say keep it up... That’s all I need to stay motivated.... Likewise although on the other side, when I feel neglected and feel others are ignoring me it gives me even more of a drive to try that much harder at what I’m doing, because dammit someone will hear me one day right?

I’m not sure how many others out there feel as strongly as I do about all that’s written above but sometimes it feels like I’m the only person in the world that does feels so. It makes me so lonely sometimes I have to hold back tears just to stay positive about the world and the humanity that would rather destroy it as well as themselves out of sheer ignorance and greed. I’m not gonna lie to you, I feel alone every day... I can only describe it as tears of a clown because that’s how it feels. On the outside I seem like its all okay and nothing bothers me, but inside I feel like my heart and soul are being ripped to pieces every second I’m on this planet. When people won’t return phone calls, e-mails, text messages it hurts ya know. It feels like you’re not important enough for them to give you the respect of responding, and I can’t stand it. I respond to every form of communication as soon as I receive it, so believe me when I say I’m big on reciprocation. Even if the other party is too busy to respond, I promise it only takes 10 seconds to reply with I’m a little busy I’ll get back to you later, honest.

Maybe these reasons are why I’m an artist... You can’t create the art us artists create if you don’t have this undying passion for life inside of you. Its the sensitivity and the nature inside of US that inspires YOU to feel, because apparently most people can’t do it on their own, they need us to motivate them. In turn I assume we receive the love we do from fans but I promise you, when an artist returns to their bed at the end of an evening, no matter how much luv they received at a show.... Inside they are alone, and I guess that’s the price we pay for our talents and gifts. Consider this me spilling my heart to you, why? Because maybe it takes another soul that is passionate about something to point out to you where you could use improvement... I could care less of your personal opinion of my behavior and my attitude, I’m gonna do it anyway. What I do care about, however, is your respect and your understanding because without either of those... Me and you will never really know one another...

;)

The Next Step...

2011-02-21T13:41:00.003-06:00

The something about maturity that makes the experience of growing older, one to look forward to throughout life. Do you remember being a child and saying to yourself “I can’t wait to grow up!” Then actually arriving there, or learning what growing up really means and telling yourself, “Damn I wish I was a kid again...” Of course the second statement is less appealing considering what it would mean to have to develop as a person all over again. A process that is difficult enough for everybody the first time around, there really is no need to have to experience it twice. But consistently being unhappy with being un-developed as a youth and restricted from certain experiences has an adequate reasoning. The fact remains, its easier to get along with the difficulties in life when you’re equipped with more possibilities. Possibilities that can usually be attained only through wisdom and experience. Considering that’s all life really is, experience.

We go through a variety of stages of development when learning how to mold our brains and talents from a young age. There’s the first real sign of promise and potential during adolescence, somewhere between 14 and 16. There’s a second wave of excitement during the initial feelings of independence between 17 and 20. Then there’s the societal acceptance as an adult responsible enough to be allowed involvement in activities with legal restrictions at age 21 depending on your geographical location. But after 21 we begin to actually learn what it means to be a responsible adult. We are forced to deal with the consequences of all of our actions, then realize there were reasons for the limits of our behavior as youths. Between 21 and 30 is a complete roller-coaster of real-life problems and issues we face in order to become completely independent and full functioning individuals. Through all of these processes there is an instinctual need to ‘shed one’s skin’ if you will. We wish to grow out of the mindset and frame of thinking into a new perception of one’s self. I’d say the first true instance of this is between 22 and 23, then again at 25. Now I realize it happens hopefully one last time before 30 at right around 28.

We naturally go through different cycles throughout the year where we experience different elements of chaos and control varying on individual traits, i.e. birthplace, birthdate, geographical location, cultural and ethnic variations etc. But there’s something larger that exists between us and thats the cosmic similarities involved with us and our energy that is connected with other elements of the universe such as the stars, the planets, moon and sun, as well as our planets environmental status. The age factor I consider simply a natural impulsive occurrence that we experience based on human development. After being a human being on earth for the time periods stated above such different physical, psychological, and emotional elements become affected in certain ways.

I personally understand and am aware of the cognitive understandings that cause methods of behavior so I’ve become good at recognizing what I need to do in order to curve my thoughts and actions. This time of year is extremely important for me, not only because the year has just recently transitioned but because my chronological age also moves forward yet once again. I can usually sense a dramatic shift in my feelings and thought processes close to the end of the year and feel a natural need to go through erratic experiences in order to understand what my next step will be. Well here I am less than a month from my next birthday and I felt this moment coming for quite sometime, a few months to be exact. I feel it is finally time to shed my skin once again for what I can consider to be the sixth time in my life beyond the innocence, unawareness and naivety associated with childhood. Its times like this I look back throughout the years and go through a distorted state of contemplation in order to understand how far along I’ve come in my life and what purposes everything I’ve done have served. At times we feel the need to dismiss certain experiences asking, “what the hell was I thinking?” But we tend to forget, the state of mind we were on at that time caused us to act in a certain manner that led to those specific consequences. That’s how we grow. We look back on our mistakes and realize how to avoid making the same ones two or three times. It takes us making some mistakes more than others in order to really learn. There’s no specific time involved in leading up to this awareness, its all just up to you.

If you can learn to become conscious of such understandings then you can really learn how to build human potential in order to achieve what you’re institutionally lead to believe are impossible humanistic accomplishments. Believe me, you don’t learn what it takes to become a competitive artist in one of the roughest corners of one of the most ruthless industries known to man without being forced to realize what it takes. Just as professional athletes have to learn to compete at higher levels in order to succeed, recording artists and entertainers of all types are required to show the same level of competitiveness. See there’s something called self-realization that some of us are lucky enough to experience during these developmental phases early in life. I say some of us, because believe it or not there are more people out there who never get to experience such a joy. A point in life when you realize who you really are and what you were born to do while you’re present on this planet. When this happens, there’s no more lost sense of not belonging, or confusion as to where you fit in and why you are here. If you’re lucky enough to have experienced this, then you never again have to ask your self what the meaning of life is... Because you’ve already made the first step, in figuring out who are you?

;)

That One Thing 2/14/11

2011-02-14T13:24:00.001-06:00

Have you ever watched a professional sports event and seen some of the greatest athletes in the world perform at such a high level that you almost for a second think they aren’t even human? Have you ever watched a concert and seen your favorite performers move thousands of people in a way that no motivational speaker nor football coach ever could dream? Or how about seeing a litigator use words in a manner that completely re-shape the opinion of every single person present in the room? There’s a reason such people do feats the normal and average person has no idea how to fathom much less achieve. And that’s Ok. It’s Ok to be normal. Its Ok to not be considered extraordinary because, hey that’s what 95% of this planet’s population is, normal and average.

Some of us however don’t know what its like to be normal. Some of us just can’t simply think in normal terms and be average people. We don’t fit in a normal crowd because no matter where we go, we stand out. Whether its our demeanor, behavior, actions, speech, confidence, whatever. I guess we just see things a bit deeper than what they are supposed to be, and are never satisfied with a simple explanation for anything. Do you know what it means or what it takes to be one of those extraordinary people? I’ll tell you what it takes. It takes one thing. Having one thing that drives and pushes you to the breaking point of insanity. That one thing you work every single breathing moment of your day at, and that one thing that will haunt your dreams every night as you go to bed. Its that one thing that you know for damn sure you were not only born to do but do well. You were born to become the master of your craft, become so dedicated to your art-form that you couldn’t imagine living a single day on this planet if you couldn’t have it. For me, music and lyricism combine to create that one thing. I guess you could combine all my talents into one concept and call it art. So there it is, art. My one thing. The only thing I have in life... The only thing I’ll possibly ever have in life.

You know I’ve never been good at love. Matter of fact, love and intimacy are just concepts that have always flown so far over my head I didn’t even notice them when they were right in front of me. I have always been the victim of my own misunderstood and tortured method of thinking. I don’t think I’ve ever had a real relationship last longer than 3-5 months and even those weren’t “relationships” the entire time. I’ve tried to make relationships work before. I’ve convinced myself that I really do desire love and companionship but once I have it, I somehow manage to destroy every chance at a normal and stable relationship. That’s because deep down I have more issues then I care to make public, but if you’ve ever known me personally for as long as it takes you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

No relationships have never been my steez, but its Ok because I have that one thing. Its probably the reason why I am unable to commit myself to another being because no matter how much I love and care about them, they don’t seem to fulfill my needs like that one thing. They may always come second to that one thing because I’ll never stop in my endeavors to become of the greatest artists of all time. That’s right, my goal on a personal level is to work so hard and put so much of my blood, sweat, and tears into my art that I intend on becoming one of the greatest lyricists that ever lived. And I will... I will put everything holy into my art, until that becomes an evident unmistakable reality. If I have to give my life for my “one thing” then I have no problem doing so, I won’t even hesitate. You know why? Because that “one thing” is all I’ll ever have and when I don’t or can’t have it no more, I might as well not be alive. See that’s what makes us different from average or normal... Because to even think of dedicating yourself to such an idea to most is almost borderline insane. But that doesn’t matter to people like me, because you couldn’t possibly imagine the joys received when you know you did your job doing that one thing and nobody can ever take that away from you. Ah yes that “one thing.” Believe me it comes with a price. The price is the pain and torture you put yourself through in order to become better with every breath your breathe. To never be satisfied no matter how well you performed the night before, or how amazing the song you just recorded ended up sounding. Its also the pain you feel when you look at other people and know that no matter what you’ll never be like them and have what they have. I consider it an even trade but, I haven’t begun to see the rewards yet of chasing a dream that most think is unattainable... But that’s because they don’t know what its like to have that one thing.... And they never will...

;)

Allow me to introduce Myself - 2/7/11

2011-02-08T00:43:00.003-06:00

Take a trip inside - An Intro to the MMM Dimension

Well hello there... I hope you’ve made this trip here into my world because you’ve become interested enough to learn a lil’ bit about someone whose voice enticed your curiosity. If this is your first visit to the “Matt-iculous Method of Madnezz” than I’d like to say thank you, be prepared for a roller-coaster of a ride through the maze of my mind broken down in blog-style journal entries, covering an assortment of thoughts, opinions, ideas etc. I would eventually like to make my entries consistent enough as to post every other day, but we’ll see how that goes. It’s easier said than done as you can tell from my writing, the intricate method of construction I use in order to make every entry intriguing. Feel free to scroll through my Archives for past entries, although I warn you... My writing is a direct reflection of my thoughts and feelings as a result of my experiences, which are out of the ordinary by many standards. If you read anything you find offensive or bizarre, consider this your first warning lol... If you become a regular reader then I hope it tickles your fancy enough to make it worth the time spent while traveling in and out of my head, in order to see the world from a deeper perspective of an artistic observer whose just searching for truth and understanding.

You know I’ve always wondered how people can be so ignorant. I used to wonder what was worse, seeing how naive and ignorant other people were, or how foolish I was for following suit by involving myself with the ignorance of those around me. You know there’s a saying that goes you are the company you keep. Now I never understood what that meant until about 4 years ago, and once I realized the meaning and consequences of keeping specific company I know can say I both agree to disagree with such a statement. I for instance am a hip-hop artist/song-writer. But I’m also a writer, somewhat of an activist, along with a philosopher and poet, and I hope to someday add acting, producing, directing, as well as becoming a novelist to those occupations. In doing all this I’ll have to congregate and associate with others of the same backgrounds. Now, as we are socialized from being toddlers through adulthood we are given labels. Its a natural sociological method of categorization in order to breakdown statistics of various populations mainly for socio-economic purposes, but there are more used reasons for such instances. For instance in AnyTown U.S.A, somewhere in middle America, kids attribute categories amongst each-other to recognize socio-economic differences as well as similar behavior patterns. The nature vs. nature debate is strongly moving towards nurture for my argument’s sake based on intense observational and literal study I take in on a regular basis.

See in order to make music you have to understand various concepts of sounds and the effect sounds have on the human brain. Frequencies are used for sound to travel through the brain. Emotions that we feel from certain sounds are emitted due to chemicals released as a result from the vibrations created through those sounds. Vibrational patterns such as bass lines illicit different emotional levels of pleasure and aggression. The pitch and tempo of other instruments combine to form melodies and so on and so on. Think about how important music is to your mood and overall sense of well being any time of day. I can go on and on about the breakdown of music but to avoid reader’s boredom I’ll do so in various wide-spread entries. In order to target my listeners I have to understand them. I discuss issues in my songs that the average day-to-dayer can relate to, while also giving them a brief method of escape, so when they go back to reality their thoughts maybe sharper, and their mind clearer. We need that you know. A re-charge of the brain, as well as soul. I call it spiritual replenishment. That’s why we vacation, and spend the weekends trying to get away from the mundane repetition work schedule of everyday life.

I’ve spent my life learning as much about people as possible, while trying every last effort not to go crazy as a result of it as people can be a huge pain in the ass, as we all know. They don’t have to be though. Think about how much crowds can aggravate you but how good your close friends and family can make you feel. Building relationships is a beautiful process but when you’re wired differently, its hard to make others understand the meticulous methods of processing your brain goes through. As we socialize, sometimes we try to learn more about ourselves by comparing our behavior to others around us. Some of us find more similarities than others and some just refuse to adjust to the different behaviors of others from different worlds therefore they just choose detachment. That being said how would you label someone whose been involved with dozens of social group breakdowns. Am I criminal because I’ve found myself entangled with the law several times and have spent elongated time with real criminals? Am I a musician because I evolve all my time constructing it? Am an artist, scholar, middle-class american, latino, southern, small-town, entrepreneur? Fact of the matter is you have to listen to the initiation inside and do the necessary means of breaking down everything about you to find what’s within. If you love dance more than anything as a child why didn’t you become a dancer? Because of the conditioning that begins when we are infants... And that is what I use art to describe and address and understand... And that’s where I leave you... I’ll try not to keep you past a thousand words, at least not unless I need to... If I’m able, I’ll pick up where I let off the previous entry but no promises...

;)

It's Called Being Human...

2011-01-31T00:31:00.004-06:00

Another week passes by and the world turns as we run around in circles. Life’s a trip isn’t it? I mean its a trip to be alive. There’s a term people like myself love to use, you’ve probably seen a movie or two referring to it, and probably heard it in the lines of various types of inspiring songs. It goes somethings like, “Everybody dies, but not everbody lives...” Yeah you recognize it. It’s one of my mottos in life. That’s because since I can remember I’ve always wanted to get as much out of life as I can, there’s a desire and wanderlust inside that drives me to chase my dreams. I can’t help it. Its in my nature. It is the biggest driving factor behind my music as I hope to open others up and help them understand that there’s no need to be afraid of death, more than that, there’s no need to be afraid of life.

I spent another weekend, my second to last, at the Travis County Correctional Facility in Del Valle, just a few miles outside the Austin city limits. Its apart of my jail sentence for my last arrest back in February of 2009. Funny how you can learn so much in two years, and be forced to reflect as you have to face the consequences eventually. I’ve spent three weekends working as apart of an inmate release program called SWAP, and instead of serving jail-time, your punishment is instead working every saturday and sunday for 6 hours or so doing menial labor until your sentence is completed. I have one more weekend, which means one more day of work, and a final day of checking in and being released as I’ll be finished serving my jail sentence applied by the judge from my plea agreement. Every weekend there are at least 30 to 50 attendees of the program. Some are working as a term of their probation, some as apart of shortened jail sentenced, and some are like me as this is our sentence. I consider this my final legal altercation although you never what could happen in the future as I never know what kind of trouble I may want to dabble as a result of boredom.

I don’t know what if anything most attendees of the program take from the experience, I only know what I take from it. Unfortunately there’s a pattern of socioeconomic similarity between everyone who is apart of the program. To avoid making any prejudicial, stereotypes I’ll just say we’re all in there because the system targets a selected population who are almost defenseless from its attacks. Its interesting to see the different demeanors of everyone who shares the legal consequences of getting caught doing what we all love, which is bending the rules from time to time just for thrills. Apparently there’s some difference between straight laced people and those of us who like to ride the fine line of living on the edge. Lol... Its not necessarily what I consider living on the edge but those opposite the Swap-mates, would say otherwise. Correctional officers have this authoritative sense of a superiority complex over those they supervise. They believe because they’re in a position of authority recognized by the law they are better than those of us stamped with criminal convictions. It was our behavior and decision making that led us to our current situation, and that’s a product of our lack of respect for rule and authority, therefore we must be troublemakers. They feel the need to demean and degrade anyone guilty of criminal misconduct because its their moral obligation apparently.

Its sad but true, but as I have always learned in time, don’t ever judge a book by its cover. Maybe I sympathize with my fellow mischievous comrades, because at one time or another we felt that painful sense of hopelessness that comes with being arrested. Though we all have different stories, we all share a similar distain for the law and authority, because we believe we should be treated equal as people who haven’t had our unfortunate altercations. Though those in authority and living on the right side of the fence may look down on “us” I see people with passion and life behind their eyes, because I know they know there’s more to life than simple right and wrong. As I do know some of us do belong there, there are just as many if not more that probably don’t deserve to be there at all.

You know one of our most distinguishing qualities that makes us human is the natural sense of compassion for our fellow man. The natural need to not want to see other humans in pain and sorrow. Ever been to a funeral, thinking you weren’t going to be emotional, and cried your eyes out once you saw the obvious pain and suffering others were experiencing? Even if you weren’t close to the deceased, it doesn’t matter, seeing others experience anguish has a cause and effect on humans. Same goes for celebration, when experiencing moments of joy such as birthdays, weddings, graduations, etc. That sense of emotional connection we share is what makes us human, and that’s something we all need to remember always. This is why I don’t understand the monstrous actions of people that can actually inflict physical pain on others or even worse take another persons life. How can one be so cold to not feel when another human is experiencing pain and want to prevent it no matter the situation? People kill for meaningless reasons. Even vengeance does no good for humanistic progression.

This is what I learn sharing conversations and experience with others who were complete strangers before now. Bonds I’ve made however brief will stay with me long after I’m finished serving my punishment, even if the impact is small, it still counts for something. Maybe the other Swap-mates won’t remember each-other as I’m sure all our memories will be suppressed in order to move on from the mistakes we made. But I can tell you this, it will become apart of the art that makes me who I am, therefore will stay with me and you trapped in moments of rhyme and reason always. And will always remind me of what it means to be human... Because no matter who you are or what you’ve done in life, good or bad, we all still bleed the same....

;)

An Obsession with Compulsion

2011-01-24T23:49:00.001-06:00

You know I’ve always had a problem with obsession. Once I find a topic, trend, habit, hobby, etc. intriguing enough, I can’t help but develop an obsession. Some may think that constitutes a bit of a problem, I see it as desire for understanding. As in if I want know how to be the best I can’t and anything, I have to understand it for what it is. The three biggest obsessions in my life have always been women, music, and partying, and that’s in no particular order. It wasn’t until my recent years the musical obsession went into overdrive but, its always been prevalent. I guess I could change the music to entertainment as every form of entertainment has always fascinating to me. Growing up, I’m pretty sure movie-star and artist were always amongst my top favored occupations when asked “What do you wanna be?” So as of right now, 20 years later, the movie- part has been dropped and artist was weaved in under a variate scope. Although people tend to frustrate and puzzle me, I have always been intrigued with understanding why they behave in the manner they do on a daily basis. That was probably one of the biggest reasons why I studied psychology in college. I thought if I could understand people, I could learn how to get along with damn near anyone and avoid conflict whenever it arose. Unfortunately, I have my father’s genes therefore, I have a tendency to become overly sensitive and let my emotions get the best of me.

Throughout my years I’ve had problems coping with emotional misunderstandings, and always thought due to my actions and behavior there was something wrong with me. Maybe there is... Maybe I’m crazy and its impossible for me to ever understand what it could be like to be normal considering the complexity of how my brain never stops processing information. There are times when I can shut my brain off briefly and just enjoy life but that’s usually after a bit of consumption from various substances that alleviate the emotional and intellectual disorder that create a vast array of internal conflict. Yeah so I’ve been labeled a genius throughout the years from teachers, family, friends, professors... Big fucking deal... What the hell does it matter to have intelligence if you can’t find the most useful means to attribute your gifts. I was always good at scholastics I just always hated school. Problem solving was always a fun activity for me, but the manner in which students are directed to solve problems and how they are to interpret those solutions always bothered me. I.e. I can’t stand studying, and think taking tests is a complete waste of time... You don’t soak up knowledge and understanding by testing a mind full of memorized info, you have to break it down and attack it from the core, completely eliminating any problem that prevents a solution from being found. That’s the basis of logic. What’s the point of having all that intelligence if I’m going to use it doing something I loathe, such as government, banking, law, medicine, or engineering? I mean I know there are people born to hold such positions and work them well... I’m just not one of them.

Aside from partying, the only means of release I had found for the longest was reading, sleeping, writing, and working out. Although all the above are definitely great uses of recreational time, there’s not a whole lot of monetary benefit you can gain from any of them unless you’re willing to wait an extremely long time to profit from eventually getting published from writing. I’m not the best athlete so working out could serve only as a means of self-improvement, and partying usually takes more away from you monetarily than you can gain, unless you’ve always been great at actually throwing the party and knowing how to do it better than anyone else. No, my obsessions were usually self-destructive throughout the years until recently.

Fast forward to the day I wrote a lyric that actually made sense, and was able to construct a pattern of poetry that meshed together in a rhythm over melody. Now, everyone these days is a rapper, but not everyone can rap. I’ve said that over and over again.. And I’ll always stick to that observation. I understand if you’re heart is in rhyming and you want to always be better at what you enjoy, but let’s face it, some people just weren’t meant to be a rapper/recording artist/song-writer. Its not just talent, although talent does play a big part... Its the drive... The will and determination to know that every time you write a song or a verse, and as good as it can be constructed, you know that there will always be someone who can write a better one. But beyond that, its also having the push to write an even better verse or song than the previous. Do you know how long time it takes to master lyricism to the point it, it can be recited naturally without even thinking more than a split second of the line that will follow a rhyme? Well somedays I spend close to 80 hours scribbling in notepads, typing various rhyme exercises and rehearsing specific lines over and over again till I think I’ve created what I consider noteworthy. Even then, recording a perfect record and performing it with ease and no errors is a completely different obstacle altogether.

This talent wasn’t just something I was to become good at and chase a career in attempts to be one of the chosen few who succeeds to live off my abilities. This became the only method of venting that actually made sense of the madness of my mind; the worries, the stresses, the emotions, the pains and heartaches, the fear and the love. See instead of retreating into a mind of depression and loneliness after a bad conflict in a romance or friendship, I found a means to direct those emotions into a manner creative enough that it didn’t just eliminate negative feelings but re-directed them in a positive light. So I didn’t only alleviate certain thoughts, but I’m also help others do the same. That’s what music does for all of us... That’s why its one of the most important aspects of life. And my music isn’t just a means for becoming a successful entertainer in order attain fame and fortune, its the only way I can manage to cope living in a mad world with a tortured mind.

See life is like a puzzle, and every living aspect of it are the pieces. And not just the people... All living aspects are apart of it. And unless you can find some means of seeing where you fit in... Well you are just drifting along as a lost puzzle piece unable to find the right fit. This has become the only means for me to find where I fit, because since I began this journey I’ve come closer and closer to finding my place... And thank the universe for that, as I would have lost my mind eventually and found a way out of it all... I don’t have to elaborate the meaning to that statement, as you should have an idea. So here I sit, spending hours a day writing and recording, losing track of time almost as I were cramming for a college exam, because its the only method of release that finally freed me from the pain of my own mind. It truly is the only way to positively re-direct a “Matt-iculous Method of Madnezz..”

;)

A Break from Work...

2011-01-18T21:23:00.000-06:00

Only a 3 day break this time around... Looks like I’m already going better with updates this month than the last. Let’s see how long I can keep the tempo strong. Lol... I have to say, this transition the previous weekend managed to help me be as productive as I predicted... An entire month of refraining from partying during the weekend is helping me me stay more focused. I spent all day yesterday and today working on writing new material as well as re-writing some old verses hiding in my library. Have you ever crammed for an exam during finals week? Well that’s what it feels like writing lyrics, listening to beats for over 12 hours straight. Matter of fact, it probably ignites more neural firing than studying, because the music has an increased affect on neural functioning. You like that huh? My own doctoral diagnosis for what happens to the brian when constructing rhyme patterned sequences to a rhythm.

Its a great feeling getting responses from those who have listened to my music for the first time and reaching out to give me their thoughts. It makes every moment worth it, knowing somebody may benefit by allowing me to help shape their mood, escaping from the stress of every day life. We all know how stressful everyday life can be. Whether its a redundant weekday at work, studying or writing papers, or figuring out how to get out of the rut your in... Life is stressful. And the culprit of more stress and commotion than anything else, bills of course. It's always about the money. What a concept right? Using commerce as a method of behavioral control amongst the masses. I wrote a song that I made a brief video for and posted on youtube dedicated to the prison those in control have kept us in. The name of the song is called Unbreakable, and if you’re reading this blog because you followed the link I left on the end credits, I thank you... And welcome to my world.

Some people think blogs are meaningless nonsense that give strangers a method to vent the troubles of “every-day life.” Well, truth be told that’s exactly what blogs are for. But its no different than going to the local bar and spilling your troubles to someone who wouldn’t socialize with you if he/she wasn’t getting paid to do so, or another over-worked patron who shares a similar grievance with daily routine. Hell that’s what my music is, a method of venting my thoughts, and sharing them with the world as often as possible. But if blogs are meaningless then why are you reading mine? Is it because you find me intriguing? Is it because you’re bored and my writing entertains you? Are you an acquaintance curious to know what my life is like? Are you a friend or loved one who wants more of explanation to why my attitude and behavior is as bizarre as its been since the day you met me? Maybe you’re just a fan of good writing and think I’m worth you’re 8 minutes of spare time it’ll take to finish this entry, and possibly spend an extra 8 minutes scrolling through others. Either way I’m glad you’re reading right now.

I’m thankful to have been given the opportunity to release my troubles, opinions, and philosophies on such an open platform, and even more grateful to have others that are willing to let me share it with them. I guess some of us are lucky in that sense. I see and meet so many people every day that obviously don’t have that. They make think nobody cares how they feel, or are too afraid to publicize their feelings due to scrutiny and criticism, or maybe they just don’t think they know how to express themselves. What a shame; not knowing how to express oneself. Art is expression in its highest form. So my need to express is simply natural... Because I’m an artist. But I’m only able to do so because I am a fan of art. Art in all forms be it literature, music, paintings, cartoons, films, drama, etc. I always have been... Damn, if I could go back in time and convince the 7 yr old version of myself to never stray away from my internal passion and follow my love for art from start through all my adolescent experience. I know we all wish we could go back and though we can’t we still wonder who we would be today if we had knowledge we didn’t have before.

I know you can’t go back. Luckily I get the opportunity every time I write a song. I go though memories and re-call how I felt in order to convey the correct rhetorical response in rhymes. Ha... That ladies and gentlemen is called alliteration, and it wasn’t intentional. I consider this entry a mere freestyle blog if you will. Most the time I have specific topics and issues to address, today I just started writing and let my mind run free spilling out any thought that came to mind. I feel I’ve kept you entertained and occupied long enough so I’m gonna relax for a bit before I get back to listening to beats and writing rhymes that define the times. So long for now... Maybe I’ll post within a day or two with something new and interesting... If not I’ll just wait till I attain that experience, and trust me... With my life, it doesn’t take long...

;)

And What Else?

2011-01-16T21:53:00.002-06:00

Uh Oh... Only 5 days in between posts... Could I be catching up on updating regularly... We’ll its a new year and a new beginning so I’m gonna try to stay updated with these entries.

Do you have any clue what it takes to do what I do? I can’t emphasize how crazy my brain works to create the art I do. Now, understand I have music and art that you’ve never seen before nor heard before, and once I feel comfortable enough for you to see it, I intend to take you to my world as you experience what I experience through my transcending imagery.

When I write these posts, I’m taking what my brain has soaked up for the past few days its taken to make this update and I’m spilling it out, filtering as much as I can to get you to see what I’ve seen, and feel how I’ve felt... The past few days have been interesting. I spent the weekend doing work at the Travis County jail as apart of my sentence for an arrest I received in 2009. I have four weekends of jail work in which I have to arrive in Del Valle at the Travis County Correctional facility from 8 AM till roughly 2-4 PM, depending on their intentions. I fortunately enough, didn’t have to do any work this weekend as the weather didn’t allow, but was forced to sit like a child in detention for 5 1/2 hours watching old instructional films of lawn care and carpentry, all the while avoiding falling over in my chair from waking up far too early. How interesting this society is. It seems even as you grow older and develop as an adult, they have found less means of disciplining those who cannot seem to follow authoritative methods of living than that which we experienced as children.

This system is set up basically so monkeys are capable of running the ring-master’s circus, when they cannot be present. Those in charge of the prison system know less about what goes on behind walls of incarceration than the janitors and clean up crews. That, or they are well aware and turn a blind eye in ignorance to the activities under their authority. The word of the day, children, is institution. Can we say institution? If we can then we can understand the meaning of being institutionalized. That’s what we are as a product of western culture. It starts as children, toddlers really. It lasts from age five when you are institutionalized into the public school system, and continues for eighteen years till you develop the brain they developed for you, under their programming. Most of the information is bias, filtered, and basically useless. The only real universal school subjects are math and science, and they can’t even touch those properly as I learned being one of the few who could understand math and economics to a level that was ridiculous in comparison to others. So after 13 years of programming out comes the creation John D. Rockefeller wanted. A country of labor workers not thinkers. And that’s what we are. We are workers. We go to college to study more complex variables of corporate reasoning and learn to become the perfect follower, who seeks employment and salary for the labor he/she gives, in order for a multi-billion dollar corporation to profit immensely from their work.

Now here’s a concept. What if you were taught as a child until adulthood to realize your ultimate potential, mentally, intellectually, scholastically, physically, and emotionally? Then purse the ultimate destination required for a person of your qualities. What if that were the way the system worked? Starting at birth. I’ll tell you what would happen, the wealth in this country and modern day civilization would be spread out equally and ultimately meaningless, and the power structure would be distributed into larger populations, making life more bearable for the less fortunate.

I hear we’re all given equal opportunity. Well that statement has been shared and debated since the beginning of American history, and ultimately, the jury is MIA. What I see are a collection of products of a system that failed to uphold the promises it was initially created to keep. Some find ways to manage through a life of madness and find their stride along the way, others aren’t so lucky and end up in a life of turmoil not realizing their actions were the ultimate cause. Others simply aren’t given the opportunity to live in this existence any longer than their brief stint allowed.

There are causes for all of it. You just have to learn how to read between the lines and read the signs that lead the direction necessary to reach a particular destination. Somehow, like piecing together the puzzles of an intricate story-line, you’ll see the pattern that lead to the initial and eventual outcome. Life is the greatest drama of all... That’s why today’s entertainment is flooded with television based on real life experiences. I listened to stories both mornings of my weekend for several hours at a time and soaked up the array of both negative and positive energy that fluctuated through the walls like some metaphysical sponge for frustration. We were all there because our mistakes were not only realized, they were addressed, and disciplined. Understanding the mistakes of the person next to you, somehow helped you learn to avoid your own in the future. We all had the most important factor about humanity in common between us... We weren’t perfect. That understanding gives every human being the opportunity to do what they don’t do often... And that’s act human.

The appreciation of daily life, as that’s what this is... Daily life, as I experience it, is what creates art. And as my irresponsible actions of yesterday led to the consequences of today, I am given even more experience to fuel the gift I have been blessed to receive. And through today’s experience, I now have even more of a resourceful gateway to the world outside of my own mind’s perception of creation. The various souls I encountered throughout the day have given me more material to paint better pictures of the world I so wish to display for the others, whom I believe deserve to see. And that’s the beautiful canvas of life... Paint more every day, you might as well, what the hell else do you gotta do?

FIrst thing you gotta figure out is who are you...

2011-01-11T15:07:00.002-06:00

Once again, over two and a half weeks, with no post... Wonder what's been going on to cause another extended absence? Of course you don't... But then again... Maybe you do, and needed me to remind you of that. Okay, call me a bit egotistical but you know, I have a different outlook on the world than most, therefore people do get interested in what I have to say and the words I write... They're not used to hearing what I have to say from regular everyday people, why? Well maybe an average life just isn't that interesting because most people are forced to live it, or just unconsciously choose to do so... Either way, in order to live as an artist, your brain has to work at a different pace than normal, so we think differently... That's why I'm able to make the music I make, because I see a part of life that the normal just can't perceive, their insight is less, and they might not have the intuition to understand, and just lack the instinct to listen... That's why people like myself exist, and are necessary for balance... So I make music, and write, and share my thoughts, and you get to listen... Lol

So my first post of 2011? Ten days in, its gotta be, no matter what happens in this life... "That's just how it Goes..." That's the name of my first debut single, its almost the theme of my entire stake in the music world since I wrote my first track over four years ago... I was a late arrival, but its the speed bumps that make the difference into how fast or slow you travel to find the right road to follow. I spent a life following no specific path, just your average crazy college kid trying to find his niche in life, and partying as much as possible along the way. It was my struggles and pains that turned me into the person I am today, and what eventually led me to pursue the dream of becoming a successful recording artist. Through a few ups and downs I've finally managed to find my footing and through it all I've found my sound and am comfortable with the route my career is headed...

You know we each have a path to follow in life... I mean a specific path to follow, that was laid out for each and all of us. Some will go their whole life following the wrong path, and never find the right one meant for them. Some are lucky enough to follow the correct path their whole life, and do exactly as their supposed to. Those are the lucky ones. I have to consider myself lucky as I found mine, and how do I know its the right path? Because when you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to, it feels so right, there’s no way you could be doing anything else. How do I know that? Because for the longest time I was on a dirt road that led nowhere, and I hit rock bottom after it dead ended. Once I got on the right path, everything just started to come together, and my life started becoming more and more clear, as I was no longer simply existing as an empty soul. I am now actually living, and it feels wonderful.

Its not easy for any of us ya know... I’ve wrote that several times, but I always get reminded every time slip and stumble, because even though I’m going exactly where I need to, I do fall from time to time. I am an artist, a writer, a story-teller, an observer, an activist, a fighter... A lover... I do everything I do, because that’s what my path laid out for me. I make music not to attain fortune and fame one day, although I am not opposed to it, but to serve a purpose for my fellow man. I make the music I make to expose the truth of what we’ve been kept in the dark from. I also do it to touch others lives and through my own despair and pain I can find solace as well as provide a sense of meaning for others as well. I hope through my words I can save a life and lead another soul in the right direction because thats the destiny I was given. If I can touch just one lost soul and show them the beauty of truth, freedom and love, then I’ve done my job not only as an artist but as a human being.

We have to be reminded from time to time, there is more to life than a job, money, material, and social status. We have to learn the beauties of the simple things in life, and no matter what happens, tomorrow is another day and it can and will eventually get better. If I can make it through life, past all my ups and downs, I know you can. And no matter what you can be anybody as long as you put your mind to it, just know the boundaries life has set for you and don’t ever let anyone else tell you what you ca and can’t do... Remember its not up to them, its all up to you, and that’s all that matters. Once you let others control your feelings, emotions, decisions, and opinions... You’ve lost sight of who you really are... So if that happens, play my song, “Cuz the first thing you got to figure out is who are you, next step is what you really trying to do, are you doing it for you or doing it for them... If you need a lil help baby look to the sky, it doesn’t happen by itself, never know unless you try...”

;)

Eternal Bliss...

2010-12-28T22:15:00.001-06:00

I might as well just completely forget about trying to make promises for keeping my blog updated because I just can’t seem to manage to amount up to my word. Its been over two weeks easily I believe. And as I’ve said before a lifetime can happen in seven days, so that means the universe can change in two weeks. And for myself the universe has changed. In so many ways, bad and good, as there’s are the only two ways it can ever go right? It has taken turns in every direction possible, only to as always come back around full circle.

You know we, human beings are intriguing creatures. Incredibly stupid and naive, but intriguing nonetheless. We have such a strange nature about us that drives us into wanting what we can’t have. I don’t know what it is about us that leads to that nature. I don’t know if its the competitive force within us all that strives to attempt to achieve the impossible but we all have it. Some of us display it in our will to achieve greatness. Some of us choose to chase a desired member of the opposite sex, and some of us want to be something more than we currently have the capacity to be. Either way its this same nature that drives us to reach immeasurable goals as well as leading us to the most embarrassing and disastrous of situations.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t guilty of such accusations because I know about unrealistic desires far more than most. I’ve always wanted what I can’t have. Whether it was to be one of the more elite athletes growing up or wanting several of the most popular girls in school, I always wanted a bit more than I was capable of achieving. The older I got in later years I was still infected with the same virus. I was always one of the smartest kids in school but lacked the academic motivation to have the best grades. And though going to the best school didn’t really matter to me, having the status did, so I did want to attend a top notch school, but settled for what I could have nonetheless. I have chased after girls that were way out of my league my whole life, and to this day desire a life that seem so much like a dream it almost hurts to attempt to envision it.

We never learn you know. Well, we learn little by little as we go, but I’m sure we will continuously want more than we can have until we learn not to want at all, which by current societal standard’s may not be possible. I am still trying to get what I can’t have and attempting to gain what may also not be possible out of others which is trust and respect. But its through these wants that I have found my greatest passion in life... And yeah you knew it was coming, my music. I can live through my failures and gains alike and at the end of the day, once I jot it down in a lyric and drop it on a record, it makes the entire experience all that much more worth having. So though I haven’t found what I am looking for in a generalized sense, I still know where I am going and know how to get there. And though people may let me down continuously over and over, and my heart my still have the capacity to get tattered and torn, its far from being able to be broken.

All this just reminds me of what else I have to achieve and no matter what it takes in order for me to get there, there’s no way in hell I’m ever going to give up. I saw all these emotionless, cold faces around me all the time. These bored senseless expressions made by those who just don’t seem to be living at all, just waiting to die. And if you think its another person that can give you happiness, sure they may have a few ingredients, but they by no means are the entire recipe. It is a long trying process in order to do so, but if you can somehow manage to love yourself first, before you love someone else, then half the battle has been won, and the rest you just let be. I’ve seen some pretty pitiful people in my day let others control their happiness and their sorrows and it not only saddens me but it sickens me. It saddens me to see them not being able to control their smiles and cries and sickens me to realize how that was me at one time or another. And that my friends... Is what will always separate me from them. I just hope I can find my own bliss in trying to make others realize theirs....

;)

A Product of the System: An Age of Experience Pt. III

2010-12-13T19:44:00.005-06:00

As I write this entry I would like to let it be known I’m at a Starbucks, drinking a white chocolate mocca latte and eating a couple of glazed donuts.... I felt the need to mention this because I do not drink at Starbucks... EVER... I’m only doing so because of the need for this entry, which is why I am currently sitting at this table sipping my warm caffinated beverage. I am here because at approximately 2 PM my electricity was cut off because of lack of payment. It wasn’t that I hadn’t paid my bill, but I was paying in small increments considering I waited so long to pay the first billing cycle. I guess small increments just won’t cut it for the utility company for very long. So I made the payment in full this afternoon, leaving me not only close to broke but requiring me to cancel on a much needed studio session with my sound engineer as my budget wouldn’t allow me to do both right now. Unfortunately if you find yourself in the predicament I am in, the utility company here in Austin, Tx will not restore your services until full payment is made on the entire balance in which you owe. Therefore I had to pay a very large sum most of which I really can’t afford, and am sitting here because though its been 4 hours since I paid my bill, my services are still awaiting to be restored. Its dark and cold in my apartment right now and I just couldn’t lay on the couch in darkness, bundled in blankets any longer. I drove to starbucks to use the internet, reflect, and warm-up.

I had a feeling today’s occurance was going to happen but failed to listen to my intuition and of course, ended up in this position. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in this situation plenty of times in my life but it always comes at the worst possible time as if you are falling behind on your bills, your finances are more than likely not in order in the first place. Its a funny thing, finances. The word itself manages to stir up enough controversy to engage in a collegate debate from a mere simple statement describing the concept of the term. See we live in a world ruled by finance. A large amount of money, to be managed or to support an establishment and/or corporation. Whether

referring to your personal finances in regard to expenses or the need to understand where you lie in today’s capitalistic monetary credit sytem in order to recieve financing for any large transaction. Pay close attention as you will see where I am going with this entry.

Our capitalistic banking system today was set up based on the predictive behavioral patterns of human beings in regards to the exchange of both goods and services. See human beings are compulsive creatures and have somewhat of an inability to control urges and desires that can be manipulated through consumer behaviors. We are given an exchange of notes marked legal tender, which we are told hold some sentiment of monetary value for work we provide to an entity that utilizes that work for a profit. We are given tasks and duties to acheive and a standard to uphold in order to represent that entity and are told we will be given a greater compensation and reward the more we continue to respectively uphold that entity’s interests. We turn around and use that monetary means to buy goods and services we require to live a functional daily life. Some of it is necessary for human survival, some is strictly for recreation, most doesn’t serve any considerable means of use except to serve the needs of the banking establishment that rules every aspect of daily life.

See the money that is printed by the federal reserve, which is a private establishment, and is not under government regulation, has no real monetary value. The department of treasury buys an X amount of dollars printed by the FED and the fed issues a bond with a percentage of interest just as a loan. The government then introduces that money into our economy through privately owned banks and uses us to circulate it by increasing consumer spending through various methods and tactics that allow us to spend more of our liquid assets all while still contuing our debt of financing through loans, mortgages, credit cars, etc. Eventually no matter what your life’s daily expenses are... I.E. mortgages, car payments, loan payments, credit card payments, utilities, food/groceries, recreation, etc. it all goes back to the bank. Every dollar you pay to every institution private and public, goes back to the banks. The banks also use the cash you deposit every day to move decimals in between accounts in order to pay for their various expenses. Probably 10% of the cash that is represented by the total cash deposits made daily even exists within the vaults of the bank itself. So if that money were destroyed or robbed, the bank would have to find outside sources to re-imburse all the customers who use its resources to store their hard earned money. That same money is payed back to the FED through taxes so we are indirectly paying off the loan interested made by the FED for the government, therefore the Govt. really doesn't need to pay a dime back for the debt it created. The capitalistic system as it is broken down is so complex that it boggles the mind of an average un-intelligent individual so every transaction and accountability is almost done without any public outcry or argument. See this is all one big scam, and no matter who you are paying, the banks will eventually end up with all of it, and the CEO’s and lobbyists that push to keep things as de-regulated as possible end up with all the perks you and I work our asses off to provide them with.

Even if you think you have tangible assets through stocks/bonds you don’t. Its just a number and if the dollar bill were to lose its value, as it has been every year since its inception, it would all mean nothing. If twenty dollars twenty years ago bought you three times what it allows you to buy today, then every cent of each of those dollars never had any value to begin with. As all of its value was dictated by a sytem of debt meant to enslave you the consumer to the every desire of the institution that drove you to spend the same dollar you thought you were required to earn. They have your labor, your trust, your earnings, and your ignorance, and both institutions private and public profit off your losses. As I said it is all a scam. How do consumers control the cost of resources such as energy, gas, goods, services, and labor if we are a slave to the very installment that drives all of it... The dollar... I could go on about the evils of the dollar that holds no value but seems to be worth more than human life as we see so many kill and die for on a daily basis, but that, as always will be for another entry. If a dollar bill which is meaningless is worth more than human life... As we take lives every day for it, then what the fuck is human life worth??? Ask yourself that next time you see a news report about a soldier killed in a war that was created to generate more money for those who don’t even have to pick up a gun... Or next time you see a report of a 15 yr old kid who was stabbed and/or shot to death for a couple hundred bucks in drug money... The protection and progression of humanity is the riddle... Is there even an answer???

;)

The Devil Within... An Age of Experience Pt. II

2010-12-07T20:56:00.002-06:00

Before I start writing this entry I must first apologize for both the length and once again the time lapsed in between entries. My experiences in the recent months have led me on another journey of soul searching... I feel I have much to contemplate and re-direct my focus for this upcoming year and the future that it has to bring upon us. I’ve lived one intense life. For the good I have received and the times I have embraced in happiness I am thankful. For the bad I have done and the heartache I have felt because of it, I can only say it takes alot of living to learn how to fix your mistakes and change who you are as a person over time.

If you have ever had the chance to learn about who I am personally I am sure you’re thoughts and opinions consist of a complex and confused understanding of who I am deep down and how I have affected you. If you see your experience in knowing me as positive then I thank you for the chance to have touched you in such ways. If it has consisted of any negative I again apologize as the only way I know how to handle the anger and frustration of my struggles is by negavetly reinforcing my attitude at times. I have two remarkable parents both that gave me equal postiive and negative traits alike, and hopefully one day I can fulfill their every desire as a son. For my family and friends, well... I’m sure every single one of you has a different opinion of what you think of me, and for that all I can say is hey... Sometimes I get confused on what I really want others to see as well as what I see myself, so don’t worry.... Your perplex perception is shared by everyone else equally.

One familliar connotation anybody who knows me personally can all agree on about myself, is I love to party... I love to have a good time and push life to its ultimate limits when acheiving self-gratification and pleasure. Any way I can acheive my inner most desires, I have almost no control whatsoever trying to accomplish. I’ve found myself in the most random of situations in the most random of places that others with more controlled and conservative inhibitions would never end up in. For that I am also thankful because some of the opportunities I’ve had with numerous people of every type were all possible because of my ability to not think twice of the consequences of what I do. Although these moments have given me endless memories of pleasure and countless stories to share with others in the future they have also come with a price. I have seen alot of the world around me, a bit more than most... But I have also watched it pass by without capitalizing on it to its fullest potential. I have let my actions and my irresponsibility be the cause for my delay in finding my path set for myself and reaching the ultimate of my capapbilities. Its just as they always say... “What goes up, must come down...” And as high as I’ve gotten over the past 10+ years, I’ve dropped lower than rock bottom as both an direct and indirect cause from.

The only things I can think of, that I love more than partying are knowledge and music... I consider both music and partying both two sides of experience which is the most ultimate form of self-gratification and euphoria. My music comes from various places deep within myself and its thru my experiences I am able to make the music I do. It is a direct emotive response to everything I perceive physically, emotionally, mentally, and spirtually. But its more than making the music that I love and appreciate... Its the effect it has on the others who listen. Its what they take from what I have to say to them and in the patterns and the sounds I use to do so. Its how their response and how they connect to me as well as others who relate by sharing the same interest of appreciation for my music that drives me. If I can reach them and make them feel how I felt when I wrote a particular song or even line, then I did my job and it was all worth it. Seeing their eyes light up when they hear a record or see me on stage is the most overwhelming feeling I’ve ever experienced, more intense than any drug I’ve ever taken. If I can change the actions of those I touch through my music then in turn maybe they’ll make a different decision tomorrow and hopefully begin the shift to change the world one song and one person at a time.

At the same token, it was making music that led me on the current spiritual realization... If my music has such a strong ability to influence others than what about my actions. Not just how others see me under the light of the artistic perspective but on a personal one. How have my actions influenced those around me since I was conscious enough to actually sway the decision making of others in a group setting. See we forget that throughout most of our lives we are influenced by those around us all the time. And for the first twenty something years we are completely unaware of it, at least most of us. See while being taught in a large group setting as the institution of education we develop a method of influence over one another in every aspect of living from entertainment, to opinions of others, as well as whom we talk to, and decisions on fashion. The other we get we inluence others dating habits, friend selection, places of interest and recreational time. In early adulthood your college and overall career choices are inluenced by both friends and family. And the process continlues so on we go into begininng our own families and being apart of our own communities.

I think about the heartache I have had because of my irresponsible decision making and how the emotional pain I have received because of my inability to know when not to pursue my desires. I think about the ideologies I have had towards relationships and people in general and how believing in momentary satisfaction was always more beneficial than any long term affect can really have. But how foolish is that to not realize the long term affects others have had on you. I think about the long term affects others have had on me all the time, especially when I’m alone. And that leads us to the present situation at hand... Solitude. My moments of solitude do benefit me when I’m in deep moments of thought and creativity... But the same need to be isolated has led me to drive away so many countless people over the years. Its my behavior and actions that have led to painful evenings of remorse and sorrow. And if it hurts me this bad I can’t even imagine the pain I’ve caused others, long-term or breif. Sad to say I’m sure its more brief than otherwise because of my talent to distance myself from people no matter what intimiate experiences we’ve shared.

I’ve come to learn my greatest enemy as all of ours is, is myself. My ego has been the cause for so much of my self-destructive tendencies and the same frame of thinking has not only hurt me, but has hurt others over time. And I even notice it on an indirect level as well, knowing my negative influence led others around me to engage in self-destructive behavior. That’s why know I am going to attempt to change my habits and my views on the world around me. I wan’t to have a positive influence on others and no longer be the face of suspicion in any immoral implication. I am not resentful for the life I’ve led, as I said I’ve had amazing experiences because of my habits, I wish to however re-direct my future experiences in a different manner. Playing devil’s advocate for so long will only surround you with others that share the same devilish tendencies and that’s when demons and monsters are self-invited into your world. That’s when their influence over your decision making has a long term affect, haunting you in the future. And that I not only wish to change, I also wish to prevent from happening to those around me. As I have learned from the music that helped shaped me into who I am both as an artist and person alike... “Before we learn to change the world, we must first change ourselves...”

;)